Ya Heard It Here First

Everybody's favorite media creation and the latest in a long and ingloriously prideful tradition of Heisman Trophy Failbots, Timmy Tebow the JesusBro, signed on with the Patriots the other day.

Here's Press Poodle Dan Shanoff at USAToday to polish the godly knob for us:

Today’s Big Winner: Tim Tebow
Six weeks ago, I said that New England was the most likely destination for Tim Tebow.

After nearly eight years of obsessively covering the Tebow phenomenon, it was not hard to trace his Belichick-approved success at Florida through Josh McDaniels making him a first-round draft pick through Rex Ryan’s bungling to Belichick’s status as the only coach who is smart enough, secure enough and dismissive enough of his critics to bring him in to put Tebow in Foxboro.
Needless to say, I’m on a roll, so let’s keep it going with 10 predictions (entirely sincere!) for the Tebow Era in New England, under the general “first principle” of Tebowmania — just when you think it can’t get any crazier, it does:

(1) He will get jersey No. 5 (from back-up punter David Ruffer).
(2) His Pats jersey sales will lead the league.
(3) He will score a TD in Week 1 versus the Bills.
(4) He will score 2 TDs in Week 2 versus the Jets.
(5) The Pats-Jets game on Sept. 12 will be the most-watched Thursday night game in the history of the NFL.
(6) He will get designated as an RB in fantasy and be owned in no less than 50% of the leagues.
(7) The Pats-Broncos game on Sunday night in Week 12 will be the most-watched Sunday night game in NFL history.
(8) He will finish the season with 9 TDs — and 6 two-point conversions.
(9) The Patriots will get to the Super Bowl, and Tebow will score a touchdown.
(10) Tim Tebow will win a Super Bowl ring in New England.

Is there a chance that things might not work in New England and I could be 100% wrong on all of these? Sure.

But given the history of Tebow, the bigger mistake is to scoff at the mania.

In case you missed it up there at the top, Dan - that was me scoffing at the media you.