Rex Huppke, Chicago Tribune, imagineering "Trump's Gettysburg Address:
Please tell your kids to be ready to recite this by Monday:
Forty tweets and seven “Fox and Friends” episodes ago, Sean Hannity brought up a really great point about my Electoral College win. It was so huge. Really, nobody has ever seen such a massive win, and they said it couldn’t be done. Couldn’t be done. But I did it.
And Hannity — how much do we love Sean Hannity, really? He does such a fantastic job, nobody better. And Hannity said my huge Electoral College win, which they say was the biggest ever, was dedicated to all of you, the forgotten men and women of America. Don’t we love America? Don’t we love our flag? And Merry Christmas. People are saying Merry Christmas again. Nobody was saying it before. Nobody said it!
So we are dedicated to the proposition that all men — and women, don’t forget the women. The women love me so much. I won big with the women. The women love Trump.
The proposition that all — I’m just going to say “all,” otherwise the Fake News will call me sexist or make up some other lies. That’s all they do. You see them back there. Just the worst, most disgusting people you’ll ever meet. Not all of them, but really all of them. Terrible. Enemies of the people.
The proposition that all are created equal, and they are. There are good people on all sides. I got in trouble for saying that once, but it’s true. Good people, you know who I’m talking about. The tough guys. You don’t mess with. They love their country. These guys. Tough. Tough, I’m telling you.
Now we are engaged in a great war with Fake News. Yes, yes, you know. Fake news. They lie. They lie all the time, it’s all they do.
I stand up here giving a speech for an hour and a half, many times without notes, and then they say, “He’s lost it,” and yet we have 25,000 people showing up to speeches. “Donald Trump,” they go, “Donald Trump has lost it.” I beat 17 great Republicans. I beat senators, I beat governors, a couple of people, great people like Ben Carson, Ben Carson was tough, but I beat 17 great people and I respectfully say I beat the Bush dynasty, OK? Pretty recently. OK?
Now I have the privilege of going against Crooked Hillary Clinton. So I beat Crooked Hillary. I beat Crooked Hillary and the Electoral College is hard it’s, frankly, if we didn’t know better, and maybe we’re starting to find things out that we didn’t know, it’s hard, and harder to win than popular vote.
Anyway, in a larger sense, we can’t dedicate — we can’t cons … we can’t con-sten-creet? Constencreet. A lot of people don’t know that word. I know big words, so many. I’m very smart. Some say a genius.
We can’t constencreet this ground. The brave men, so many, who struggled here, have constencreeted it, and they did. So constencreet. Really. The most. So proud.
The world will little note, they never note things anymore. You notice that? No noting. It’s like, bing bong bing.
They won’t note that I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record.
And we do it without, like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.
It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining, and it is a great task.
This nation, this big, beautiful nation. This nation, under God, and it is, we’ve got God back. Just ask Mike Pence. He loves God. Prays all the time. We brought back prayer. So good. So, so good. The prayer.
This nation shall have a new birth of freedom. You think we would birth freedom if Crooked Hillary won? No. Nope. There would be no freedom births. The opposite. Whatever the opposite, it would be that. Just all over the place. Terrible.
So our government. MY government, I’m doing such a good job, you know it. People say it’s the best job any president has ever done. Truly amazing.
My government, for you people, and you’re the good ones, you know that. You’re the real Americans, not those others. My government shall not perish from the earth, or from space. Space Force! We’re going to rule the space. No one will stop us.
God bless you and God bless our great America. Hats are available in the front. Make sure you buy several.
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