Dear AG Garland,
This Fauci guy humiliated me on national TV by exposing my propensity for political grandstanding, as well as my inexplicable ignorance of science and the peer review process.
And even though he's about my size and a hundred years older than me, we all know I'm not worth a shit in a fist fight, so I need you guys to beat him up for me, OK?
Sincerely,
Senator (and "Doctor") Rand Paul
PS) We're in the same gym class, and today it's dodge ball, so you have to get him before 5th period. Thanks.
"Conservatives" are a buncha whiny-butt pussies
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