I'll be headed down to wherever they're having their little war, so I can volunteer to be the first one shot, hoping my senseless death during a futile attempt to stop dumbfuck-on-dumbfuck violence will eventually get picked up as some kind of rallying cry and everybody can go back to just shit-talkin' each other on social media.
And who the fuck do I think I'm kiddin'?
Jordan Klepper - Civil War, anyone?
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