Fuck - Really?

What DumFux News went with on the morning show:




What actually happened:



So it's a little weird - for some months, DumFux News has insisted on running with a kinda-sorta slant that seems to be aimed at bringing the wingnuts back from the abyss, but then they spike their morning show with the standard crap they've been wallowing in for 12 or 15 years.  It's a puzzlement.

Haiku You

Red State haiku from Addicting Info:

Vanilla is great
Other flavors are scary
Finish the damn fence!


Protect the fetus
Abortion is pure evil
SNAP for kids? No way!


Welfare is just wrong
THOSE people are robbing us
OK if you’re white


Filibuster gone?
How will we stop Obama?
Obstruction is hard!

Election results:
GOP loses badly
ACORN stole the vote


We are patriots!
Liberals hate our freedom!
Take away their rights!


All life is precious
Jesus said. Next week we cheer
Lethal injection


The United States
Turning brown is just not fair
Voter suppression


Welfare queens lazy
CEOs work really hard
On better golf score


We are in danger
Obama ignores terror
Bush never did that


Wall Street’s not that bad
Corporations are people
Need more tax cuts please


Regulation’s wrong
Corporations don’t break laws
Here, have some lead paint


Delicious and fresh
Waterways don’t need new rules
Dump some toxic waste


Economy bad
Obama must be to blame
George Bush? Who is that?


Abomination
Gays offend all good Christians
Pass the shrimp cocktail


All the unions
Cut into the bottom line
No pensions for them!


Benghazi “scandal”
We’re outraged at lost lives
Bush kept us all safe


Cheer the CEOs
Ayn Rand’s heroes all, watch them
Plunder the pensions


We love ‘Murika!
Constitution is sacred!
We want to secede!


Brown people voting
Means right wing will always lose
Where is your I.D.?


Have AR-15
Must stop liberal gub’mint
Jesus would approve


Jesus is pure love
Love fellow man but not gays
Put them all to death


Tax cuts for the rich
The poor and the sick perish
Our base is happy
(courtesy of Mark Janes)


Taliban zealots
Kill all of those they dislike
Tea Party jealous


No war on women
Get back in the kitchen, slut
Barefoot and pregnant


Hey, we’re not racists
“You” people can’t get ID?
It’s not OUR problem


Black guy in WHITE House!?!
BENGHAZI-BENGHAZI-BOO!
HELP, baby Jesus!

The Real America

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Video Archive

Are the people in Vicco just some weird anomaly, or is it that the wingnuts have been lying to us about who the folks in some of these small towns really are?

What Does (The) GOP Stand For, Anyway?

Grizzled Old Pettifoggers

Glorified Obstructionist Party

Gloppy Orifice Predilection

Guarantors Of Putrefaction

Greasy Obsequious Pricks

Grunting Obfuscation Pukers

Anybody got some more?

Today's Pix

The Theater

I love it and it makes me nauseous; and I can't think of anything more repulsively silly than most show tunes, but I remember way too many of them; and I still can't figure out why I know so much about all this shit - and all of that goes on inside my head all at the same time.  Sometimes I hate my brain.

Hurts So Good

Have Some Coffee

Zappa

"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid." --Frank Zappa

How it starts:



And before too long:

"Scrutinizer Postlude"

[Central Scrutinizer:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... again.

Hi!...It's me again, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe says Lucille has messed his mind up,
but, was it the girl or was it the music? 

As you can see...girls, music, disease, heartbreak...they all go together.
Joe found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning.
His mind was so messed up... he could hardly do nothin'.
He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires. The guy was a wreck. So...what does he do? 

For once, he does something SMART. He goes out and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover... at the First Church of Appliantology.

Eventually it was discovered
That God
Did not want us to be
All the same
This was
BAD NEWS
For the Governments of The World
As it seemed contrary
To the doctrine of
Portion Controlled Servings
Mankind must be made more uniformly
If THE FUTURE
Was going to work
Various ways were sought
To bind us all together
But, alas SAMENESS was unenforceable
It was about this time
That someone
Came up with the idea of TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Based on the principle that
If we were ALL crooks
We could at last be uniform
To some degree
In the eyes of THE LAW
Shrewdly our legislators calculated
That most people were
Too lazy to perform a
REAL CRIME
So new laws were manufactured
Making it possible for anyone
To violate them any time of the day or night,
And
Once we had all broken some kind of law
We'd all be in the same big happy club
Right up there with the President,
The most exalted industrialists,
And the clerical big shots
Of all your favorite religions
TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Was the greatest idea of its time
And was vastly popular
Except with those people
Who didn't want to be crooks or outlaws,
So, of course, they had to be TRICKED INTO IT...
Which is one of the reasons why
Music
Was eventually made
Illegal

A Blind Hog

Even a blind hog roots up an acorn once in a while.

With that in mind, let's check in with the late great WaPo, where it doesn't matter what's true or what's good or what's right (this is the age of "New Media" y'know - all that matters is delivering readers to advertisers).  But I'll pat 'em on the back on that rarest of occasions when they manage to break through the deafening clutter (that they're helping to create) with something that isn't just their usual Red Team / Blue Team bullshit:

For prosecutors, the key question is whether there was a clearly articulated “quid pro quo.” If so, the gifts were bribes. If not, they were gifts. To me, as an anthropologist, this largely misses the point.

Across the massive cornucopia of human culture, anthropologists have found relatively few universals. One of the strongest of these, however, concerns gift-giving. Gifts are given in all cultures, and to remarkably similar effect. As every graduate student in anthropology learns, gifts by their nature create social ties and a sense of reciprocal obligation. To give a gift is to expect something in return, though it undermines the power and mystique of the gift to spell out too clearly what that something is. It would be uncouth to give a friend a birthday present and say “now when it’s my birthday I expect you to give me this model of this product,” but the expectation of a well-chosen gift in return is no less powerful for that. The failure to give something in response can end a friendship.

 --and--

When politicians accept gifts such as Rolex watches and Oscar de la Renta gowns from multimillionaires, they often lack the means to reciprocate as equals. Surely, Williams has wealthy friends — his equals — with whom he exchanges gifts, but the McDonnells are not wealthy. From an anthropological perspective, Williams gave McDonnell gifts that the governor lacked the means to repay in order to subordinate him. Unable to afford, say, a $10,000 purse for Williams’s wife in return for what was given to his own wife, the governor can only return Williams’s generosity by lending him the power of his office in some way. Whether the expectation of a return was ever crisply articulated as a “quid pro quo” is really beside the point — even if it is the whole point to lawyers.

My guess is that Vaginal Bob will dodge the indictment, and maybe get slapped around a bit by an "ethics committee" stacked with politicians who will give us a great look at Irony In Action by deciding not to be so "hypocritical" as to condemn McDonnell for something most of them have been doing for as long as they've been in politics - all in the name of good government and bipartisanship and fairness.

But, of course in the end, it all fits neatly into the "Both Sides Do It" narrative.

If everybody does it, then there's nobody to hold anybody accountable for anything - and we're right back to status quo.  Never mind.