#ActInTimeDEADLINETime left to limit global warming to 1.5°C 4YRS115DAYS08:00:34 LIFELINEWorld's energy from renewables14.778817280%Ambitious climate action could boost global 2040 GDP by 0.2% | Tanzania’s marine reserves offer long-term benefits to communities | Paris residents vote in favor of making 500 more streets pedestrian | Use of pesticides on UK farms to be cut by 10% by 2030 to protect bees | New forest to be created in England, with 20m trees planted by 2050 | Affordable e-bikes are transforming delivery work for Latin American migrants | California & Sonora sign agreement to boost clean energy & climate collaboration | UK to invest $260 million on solar panels for schools and hospitals | Green power to give 570 million energy access in Africa | UN hails rare success story as emissions from construction stop rising | Ambitious climate action could boost global 2040 GDP by 0.2% | Tanzania’s marine reserves offer long-term benefits to communities | Paris residents vote in favor of making 500 more streets pedestrian | Use of pesticides on UK farms to be cut by 10% by 2030 to protect bees | New forest to be created in England, with 20m trees planted by 2050 | Affordable e-bikes are transforming delivery work for Latin American migrants | California & Sonora sign agreement to boost clean energy & climate collaboration | UK to invest $260 million on solar panels for schools and hospitals | Green power to give 570 million energy access in Africa | UN hails rare success story as emissions from construction stop rising |

Mar 21, 2017

The Onion


WASHINGTON—Rushing toward the president as he pressed the eight-inch bit into his temple, several White House aides managed to wrestle a drill from Donald Trump’s hand Monday while he attempted to remove Obama’s listening device from his skull. “Obama implanted a microphone inside my head to record everything I say!” Trump reportedly shouted shortly before three White House staffers pinned him to the floor and pried apart his fingers to seize the power tool. “You don’t understand, he can hear everything we’re saying! Obama can even hear my thoughts! I have to get it out! I can feel it! I can feel it! I can feel it!” At press time, staffers were panicking after Trump locked himself in the bathroom and began cutting his stomach open with a razor blade in an attempt to find the tracking chip he said The New York Times had put in his food.
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