Listen Up, Rubes

(overheard on various platforms in various iterations)

You Trumpsters better pray that liberals never regain control of the White House and Congress again, because the pay-back is going to be fierce. 

--Planned Parenthood Clinics on every corner.

--We're gonna paint Air Force One pussy hat pink and fly over the Bible Belt every Sunday at low altitude, dropping birth control pills and morning after pills and condoms and atheist brochures and feminist literature from the cargo bays.

--We're going to tax those mega-churches so hard, Joel Osteen will have to work extra shifts at Chik-Fil-A to make mortgage payments on a 3rd rate doublewide.

--Speaking of Chik-Fil-A, we'll nationalize the whole chain, and give franchises to any LGBTQ who had to put up with your sick-as-fuck cult leaders torturing them with conversion therapy. And we'll have fun coming up with new menu items - "Try the all new McPence; an over-boiled unseasoned chicken breast that you eat in the closet with your mother."

--We'll take all of your guns, melt them down and build a giant steel pyramid featuring the faces of Hillary, Bernie, Pelosi and Soros in bas relief.

 --Every park in every city will be renamed for a civil rights leader or a union organizer or a champion of Social Security and Medicare.

--Every Confederate statue will be replaced with a memorial to BLM or Immigrants.

--Public schools will be renamed for the kids your asshole "president" and Attorney General stole from their parents.

--The White House, and all federal buildings, will be permanently lit with rainbow colors, and powered by American Union-Built solar panels.

--DumFux News facilities will be converted to Family and Refugee Shelters. Hannity's office in New York will become a nice big unisex bathroom, complete with changing tables and complimentary tampons.

And every time one of your idiot Rube Whisperers complains about any of this, we're adding an openly gay character to a Disney movie.

By the way - every bit of that would have to happen in order to make the bullshit Both Sides argument carry the credibility of a below-average Bigfoot sighting.