Where do we find these fuckin' people?
The only thing the guy in charge of our country's health and well-being loves more than spreading measles is mutilating dead animals.
It’s impossible to imagine a world without Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—not just for launching the U.S. back to 1905, where everyone died of measles, but because every third headline about him is the most twisted jumble of fever-dream reporting.
Over the weekend, the New York Post published an excerpt from its investigative reporter Isabel Vincent’s upcoming book RFK Jr.: The Fall and Rise, out April 14. The angle being that Vincent got access to three of his secret journals in 2013, and has since been digging through 1,200 pages of RFK’s life and his “deepest thoughts.”
Among these journal entries, he apparently wrote about chopping off a raccoon’s penis. Yeah. We’re not really sure what to say either. The excerpt reads:
It would foreshadow Bobby’s later life — such as when he scooped up a road-killed bear on a New York State highway in 2014, dumping it in Central Park when he realized he needed to catch a plane. In his diary, he writes about cutting off the penis of a road-killed raccoon in 2001, while his “kids waited patiently in the car,” so that he could examine it later.
Unfortunately, it’s not made clear what exactly Kennedy did with the fur bandit’s penis, but Google says raccoon penile bones are also known as “mountain man toothpicks,” so do with that what you will. Who knew a raccoon and a Fox News host could have so much in common?
The rest of the excerpt focuses on RFK’s three “father figures,” or the “trio of surrogate fathers” that helped him become who he is after his own was assassinated in 1968. They were Lem Billings (his dad’s childhood best friend); Skip Lazell (his high school, right-wing, biology teacher); and Harvard professor Robert Trivers (who has alleged ties to Epstein).
The poor road-killed raccoon also marks the umpteenth known instance of RFK Jr. needlessly mutilating an animal: There’s the bear he dumped in Central Park, the whale whose head he chopped off and strapped to the roof of his car, and the countless baby chickens and mice he allegedly ground up in a blender to feed his hawks. At this rate, it feels like we’re going to get a new RFK Jr. Did Weird Shit to Another Animal story every six months.
I guess I don’t know what I expected from a never nude who wears jeans in a hot tub.
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