Overheard

The guy who's covering the entire White House with gold leaf is telling us our kids will just have to do with fewer dolls and pencils.

Overheard

If you ever feel like you're a shitty parent, just remember that at least you're not out doing a months-long press tour while your kids are at home trying to process the very public, very violent death of their dad.

Overheard

It was a long hard day, and I needed a little perspective, so I called my 83-year-old dad and asked him if things had always been this difficult.

There was a pause, and then he said, "No, and I'm glad I won't be here much longer."

Good luck out there, kids.

Overheard

Flight Attendant:

Is there a doctor on board?

My Dad (nudging me):

That should've been you.

Me:

Not now, Dad.

My Dad:

Notice how they're not asking for a Graphic Designer.

Me:

Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now.

My Dad:

Why don't you run up there and save him as a PDF file and see what happens.

Overheard

Somewhere in this great land of ours,

some feminist noise-punk artists

are forming a band called Quiet Piggy.

Overheard

Just because he went

to Epstein's island a buncha times

doesn't mean he diddled underage girls.

Nobody goes to a casino a dozen times

and never even plays a few of slots.

Overheard

Since 2017, the wealth of billionaires

has increased by 77%

The top 10% of households in America

own 60% of the wealth

The bottom 50% of households in America

own less than 7% of the wealth

Billionaires

are

parasites

Overheard

Trump has violated every tenet in the bible - including all 10 Commandments - he knows nothing of Scripture, he worships money and power, and he acts a helluva lot more like Herod than Jesus.

But American evangelicals still support everything he says or does, and they insist it's all part of God's plan.

Overheard

There's no reliable evidence to support a link between circumcision and autism, but the probability of a link between having a micropenis and being a fascist is really starting to add up.

Overheard

If a genie appeared and told Democrats they'd been granted three wishes, they'd negotiate it down to one wish, and then ask for something they think Republicans might like.

A Thought

Seems odd to me that MAGA rubes don't care about checking on Trump's finances, but they'll scrutinize a SNAP mom's grocery cart like it's the Zapruder film.

And they call themselves the party of common sense?

Overheard

Scientists:

Discoveries are useless if the public isn't taught to understand them in a wider, interdisciplinary context.

Media:

Scientists admit their work is useless.

Overheard

Nothing gets rich people more riled up

than talking about what they think

poor people don't deserve.

Overheard

MAGA Bros are the guys

who're convinced

that the waitress

is totally into them

Overheard

I'll believe you're putting "America First" when you provide healthcare for everybody and proper care for veterans, you find shelter for the homeless, clean up the environment, feed everybody, educate everybody, and guarantee a job with a living wage and fair benefits for everybody who wants one.

Until then, "America First" is nothing but recycled racist crap from the KKK.

Overheard (redux)

• All the Doctors and Biologists and Virologists and Immunologists are lying to you
• All the Historians and Archivists and Librarians are lying to you
• All the Geologists and Hydrologists and Climatologists are lying to you
• Everyone at the Universities and everyone in government and everyone in the media and everyone at the independent watchdog organizations are lying to you

But Trump and BKjr - they've got it just right. Two men with extraordinarily well-documented histories of lying and total immersion in conspiracy fantasies - men who traffic in disinformation and have grown rich and powerful profiting from a constant flow of misleading bunkum and outright bullshit - they're the guys you can trust with your own wellbeing, and your children's futures.

Read that out loud.

You can't hear how

totally fucking insane that sounds?

Overheard

A white conservative man

was murdered

by a white conservative man

at a white conservative college

in a white conservative city

in a white conservative state.

So let's blame liberals and HBCUs.

It doesn't make sense

because it's not suppose to make sense.

Overheard

We will never defeat evil

until we stop mourning evil

when it is defeated

Overheard

Anybody know how the war's going?

The one MAGA declared on

those murderous Utah Mormons?

Overheard

It can be very hard

to maintain mental health these days,

because so many coping methods

are based on the idea

that your anxiety, while real,

is unwarranted.

Right now, we need

something more like:

"OK, it's extremely warranted,

but you still gotta do

stuff around the house.

Otherwise, you're going to get

fascism and dead plants."