Today's Eewww

Science (and the dogged relentless pursuit of What Da Fuck) does not always lead to rainbow-farting unicorns, or - really - to anything guaranteed not to make your skin crawl.  I can almost understand why some people just throw up their hands and say, "Fuck this - I'm goin' with Jesus".

Almost.

At about 2:05, you might feel a powerful urge to run and hide.



Go ahead - do some porn surfing with the key word 'hairy' - do it now.  I fuckin' dare ya.

It's Just A Theory

hat tip = X-Christian (commenter) at Moyers & Company

Denying the Big Bang:

In the first episode of Cosmos, titled “Standing Up in the Milky Way,” Tyson dons shades just before witnessing the Big Bang. You know, the start of everything. Some creationists, though, don’t like the Big Bang; at Ken Ham’s Answers in Genesis, a critique of Cosmos asserts that “the big bang model is unable to explain many scientific observations, but this is of course not mentioned.”

"Not mentioned"?

Ya mean like on the gazillion other occasions when Tyson has said, "I don't know" in response to questions like:
What came before the big bang?
--and--
What does the big bang have to do with dark matter and dark energy?

When he doesn't know something, Tyson admits it, and he doesn't pretend that his imaginary friend has the answer, but conveniently left it out of that one stoopid book.  C'mon, Ken - we all know you're a douche, but it's important for you not to let the rubes see you actually being a douche out in public like that.

Anyway:

Alas, this creationist critique seems very poorly timed: A major new scientific discovery, just described in detail in the New York Times, has now provided “smoking gun” evidence for “inflation,” a crucial component of our understanding of the stunning happenings just after the Big Bang. Using a special telescope to examine the cosmic microwave background radiation (which has been dubbed the “afterglow” of the Big Bang), researchers at the South Pole detected “direct evidence” of the previously theoretical gravitational waves that are believed to have originated in the Big Bang and caused an incredibly sudden and dramatic inflation of the universe. (For an easy-to-digest discussion, Phil Plait has more.)

Pushing back against the Denialists when they inevitably try to pull the False Equivalence  crap:

First - there're some big differences between the use of "theory" when we're talking about science, and the use of "theory" when we're indulging ourselves in conversational conjecture and speculation and such like that there.

Conflation of the two meanings is a very useful rhetorical trick, but it's a fucking trick. Please stop using it; please stop falling for it.

Second - here's a handy, and (I'm fairly certain) incomplete list of some other minor items that are also "just theories":

1. Atomic Theory
2. Theory of Matter and Energy, also Conservation of Matter and Energy
3. Cell Theory
4. Germ Theory
5. Theory of Plate Tectonics
6. Theory of Evolution
7. Big Bang Theory
8. Chaos Theory
9. The “Gaia” Theory of a Sustainable Earth, which is illustrated with the idea of Spaceship Earth
10. Theory of Quantum Mechanics
11. Theory of Special Relativity, which subsumes The Theory of General Relativity which subsumes Newtonian theories of motion
12. Photon Theory of Light Energy and its speed of light
13. Theory of Electromagnetism as begun by Maxwell and continued with the work of others
14. Theory of Radioactivity or Nuclear Theory
15. Theory of Molecular Bonds
16. Theory of States of Matter - or is this part of Atomic Theory and Molecular Bond Theory?
17. Theory of Thermodynamics—hey, I guess this theory takes care of the States of Matter and the Molecular Bond theories.
18. Theory of Homeostasis within Living Organisms
19. Constructivist Theory of Learning
20. Theories of Self and Development - mental processes in the brain.
21. Theory of Gravity

I realize pointing these thingies out should be tres obvioso by now, but repetition is the surrogate mother of political success (aka: the brood bitch of propaganda).  Turn-about's fair play, muthuh fuckuh.

And just to put the cherry on top - your eyes may have been opened by the Lord's eternal awesomeness, but if you've got your head up your ass, all you're gonna see is your own shit.

Yo - Brian

At first blush, it's easy to follow Mr Fischer's reasoning as he says he "discriminated", but he wants us to understand that he's not really "discriminating" (tho' of course he is), but no really, he just wants us all to know that he thinks wimmins is all wonderful and capable and competent...but but but flip flop flip.

The not-so-discreet implication is that them wimmins is only wonderful and capable and competent at doin' all that Wimmin's Work, but hey, let's throw the gals a bone, shall we? (even a bad double entendre seems appropriate here because the kinda shit this guy peddles is convoluted enough to confuse a Byzantine Imperator).

Maybe we should talk about the obvious Mommy Issues that are just barely below the surface, but also too, anybody who spends that kinda time and energy gushing about how welcoming and comforting he feels women are - well, maybe we're into a little self-loathing; trying to admit to being a complete dickweed who has none of the loving qualities he says he finds so endearing in women.  Or maybe he's overcompensating a tiny bit because he has doubts about his own manliness.

Or maybe it's just another mundane example of a guy applying a little lubricating flattery to loosen up somebody's panties.

Fucking classic, dude.

Telomeres And Centromeres

Read all about it at NIH.  But that'll give you a headache unless you're Amy Farrah Fowler - and besides, I put that up there just to pump up my public image by inviting you to infer that I actually read that shit, and that I might have some remote chance of understanding it.  I don't read it, and while I insist on believing I could understand it if somebody explained it to me in very simple terms, I really just don't fuckin' get it.

But, I found this helpful:



And here's one from Carl Sagan:



I love the part when Sagan points out that Creationists have to knock down the thing about the 4.5-billion-year-old Earth - cuz if they don't, they've got exactly bupkis when it comes to their denial of evolution.

Flipping The Message

A while back, Cadillac ran this ad aimed at the Douche Bucket demographic:




Here's an Answer Ad from Ford:



The world is what we make it, kids.

Today's Doonesbury

Gary Trudeau can be about as subtle as a hand grenade in a bowl of oatmeal.  What passes for 'wry' is usually more like a barstool across the face.  Which is what it takes sometimes.  Like now fer-instance.

DIY Whitewash

First, say something honest-ish sounding:  "There will be no whitewash".  But don't use the term "whitewash" because that's old hat, and you must never ever ever allow any words to be used that might make anybody question your "integrity".

Second, make it clear to the handful of underlings who actually know you're a lying sack of shit that they will burn if they say anything - that's what you tell them in private just before you announce that they've been fired for the scummy things they did on your behalf and at your instruction been fired for doing bad things totally unbeknownst to your own saintly self, or that they've left public service to pursue opportunities in the private sector, or that they need to spend more time with family blah blah blah.  Also, publicly you say there will be no immunity and no deals and no fuckin' around here - I mean it.

Well, no shit - you cut people loose and leave 'em standing naked and alone while you threaten to bring the full power of a state government down on them as you slide on by?  Gosh - you just might get some very quiet people that way.

Third, since all or most of your fellow-consprators won't be saying anything to your hand-picked team of "investigators", there's no real chance that anything of substance will ever turn up - not in time to make a difference anyway - so you can conveniently insinuate that the people who know where you buried the bodies are actually the guilty ones because - hey, why else would they plead the 5th?  Why would they not testify if they have nothing to hide - am I right or what?

Of course, Bridget Ann Kelly et al will deny it and refute the findings, and we'll all have a merry old time being distracted by raising money for the Defense Fund and spending the next several years slugging it out in court, and watching the whole thing every day and every night on Nancy Grace and DumFux News and Ed Schultz.

But Christie has done the politically smart thing by getting his shit out in front.  No matter what else, he gets to point at "an investigation that exonerated me fully", and to play the jolly ol' fat workin' stiff who's just tryin' to do a job for the fine folk of New Jersey, but who's beset on all sides by disloyal sycophants and a corrupt liberal-biased press; and they're all jealous of his masterful prowess; and they only wanna bring a good man down to further their own ambitions.

And you just keep pounding away at it - believe what I say, not what your lyin' eyes are tellin' ya.

There's a perversely delicious beauty to it.

America - Made In China

"American Icon" has become the perfect realization of style over substance; that the symbol is now more important than whatever the symbol is supposed to represent.

The uniforms worn by the 2012 US Olympic Team were made in China.  That's not news, of course, but when I ponder that one, it seems more than a little warped that we just let it go by, with the only result of the complaints and pushback being that the winter team unis were "American Made" (and just look how that turned out), while the stampede of jobs to foreign locations continues not only unrestrained but encouraged; and even "required" under the interpretation of certain laws.

I realize I'm a fogey at this point in time, and it's always a possibility I'm worrying about a few BBs in a boxcar but does it really mean nothing to anyone that we don't do anything other than "manage the brand" anymore?  We're being sold a pocketful of mumbles.

Made In China:

Saturday's Tune

Can't You See --Marshall Tucker band

Friday's Tune - 4

Deacon Blues --Steely Dan



This is the day
Of the expanding man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday
I gazed through the glass
At ramblers
Wild gamblers
That's all in the past

You call me a fool
You say it's a crazy scheme
This one's for real
I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I'll make it this time
I'm ready to cross that fine line

I'll learn to work the saxophone
I'll play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

My back to the wall
A victim of laughing chance
This is for me
The essence of true romance
Sharing the things we know and love
With those of my kind
Libations
Sensations
That stagger the mind

I crawl like a viper
Through these suburban streets
Make love to these women
Languid and bittersweet
I'll rise when the sun goes down
Cover every game in town
A world of my own
I'll make it my home sweet home

I'll learn to work the saxophone
I'll play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues 

This is the night
Of the expanding the man
I take one last drag
As I approach the stand
I cried when I wrote this song
Sue me if I play too long
This brother is free
I'll be what I want to be

I'll learn to work the saxophone
I'll play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

Songwriters: BECKER, WALTER CARL / FAGEN, DONALD JAY
Deacon Blues lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group