Overheard

Flight Attendant:

Is there a doctor on board?

My Dad (nudging me):

That should've been you.

Me:

Not now, Dad.

My Dad:

Notice how they're not asking for a Graphic Designer.

Me:

Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now.

My Dad:

Why don't you run up there and save him as a PDF file and see what happens.

A Joke

Q:

How is Kristi Noem like a box of chocolates?

A:
She'll kill your dog.

No Joke

Every day, a guy stops at the newsstand, scans the headlines, and walks on, never buying a paper.

One day the newsie asks him, "You come by here everyday looking at the front pages, but you never buy a paper - what's up with that?"

"I'm looking for an obituary."

"But those are always in back of the papers", says the newsie.

And the man replies, "Not the one I'm looking for."

Dad Joke

I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts.

It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."

Overheard

Q:

If you have sex in a Cybertruck, does it count as cyber sex?

A:

Trick question - nobody who drives a Cybertruck is having sex.

Overheard - Again

Q:

What borders on stupidity?

A:

Mexico and Canada

Bad Joke

What has 64 legs and 88 teeth?

The front row at a Trump rally.

Riddle Me This

Question:

Why don't Alabama girls do Reverse Cowgirl?

Answer:

Because you don't turn your back on family.

Today's Reddit

Dad jokes

A Joke

A nun heads off to work one morning, and passes another nun who says to her, "I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning", and walks on by.

The nun is a bit confused, but ventures on.

As she's passing several of her students at the school where she teaches, one of the kids says, "Hello, Sister - looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed today."

The nun gets the same comment several more times, and when she's finally headed out the door at the end of the day, she encounters Mother Superior who begins, "Oh my, Sister..."

The nun loses her patience and snaps, "Don't you dare tell me it looks like I got up on the wrong side of the bed!"

"No, dear", says the older nun, "I was just wondering why you're wearing the bishop's shoes".

Today's Dad Joke

Male bees work until it's time to mate with the queen.

And then they die.

That's the entirety of their lives.

Honey.

Nut.

Cheerio.

Overheard

The human brain is a truly amazing thing. It functions 24/7 from a time well before you're even born and never switches off until you die -

or vote Republican.

Today's Riddle

What do they call Karens in Europe?

Americans

Overheard

Justin Trudeau has been criticized for pissing Trump's name in the snow, but it was Melania's handwriting.

A Question

Q:
Will Jerry Falwell Jr be speaking at the Republican convention?

A:
No - he'll just watch.

Today's Riddle

Q: What borders on stupidity?

A: Mexico and Canada

A Joke

On the morning of January 21, 2021, an older gent strode up to the White House gate and said he'd like to meet with President Trump.

The Marine guard said, "Sorry sir, I can't admit you without clearance, and Mr Trump is no longer the president."

The next day, the old guy showed up again and asked to see President Trump.

And again, the Marine guard said, "Sorry sir, I can't admit you without clearance, and Mr Trump is no longer the president."

This went on for another 5 days, and finally, the guard said, "Sir - you've been here every morning for a week, and every morning I've told you that you can't come in without clearance and that Mr Trump is no longer the president. May I ask - what's up with that, sir?"

And the old man replied, with a slight glistening in his eye, "I just really enjoy hearing you tell me that fat slob isn't the president anymore - thank you, son."

The guard snapped to, saluted, and said, "Roger that, sir - see you tomorrow."

hat tip = driftglass

Today's Today

The Wright brothers got it all off the ground 116 years ago today.

So here's a bad joke to commemorate the occasion:

Orville: Weiner cave

Wilbur: No

Orville: Dick dimple?

Wilbur: Damn it - NO

Orville: Cock pit

Wilbur: (sigh) OK fine. Jeezus.

And some video:

Today's Riddle

Q: What's considered lazy and stupid when you're poor, but smart and savvy when you're rich?

A: Getting money from the government.

Overheard Today

According to my Fitbit, I've masturbated almost 4 miles today.