Please Try This At Home

...but call me first so I can watch.

Some Random Tho'ts

• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

• I'm having one of those days where my middle finger seems to be the answer to every question.

• The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google Search Results.

• Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

Exxon Hates Your Kids

Bill Burr

Two guys working in stand up right - Bill Burr and Louis CK - I think may be the voices of American men in the 21st century.

They go all the way out there to some places that're pretty weird and a little scary, and then bring it all the way back.  Phenomenal.

Beware The Rage

Road rage can take some unexpected turns.

God As Teacher

Why God didn’t get tenure.

• He’s had only one major publication
• It included no references
• It was written in at least 3 foreign languages, one of which has been dead for 1800 years.
• It wasn’t peer-reviewed
• There is some reason to suspect he didn’t write it himself
• He claims to have created the world, but his results can't be replicated, it was a least 6000 years ago, and he hasn’t done much since then anyway
• He refuses to cooperate with, or even acknowledge his colleagues
• He never cleared it with the Ethics Board before using human subjects
• When one of his early experiments failed, he attempted to cover it up by drowning all the subjects
• Subjects not behaving as expected are often simply deleted from the sample (rumors abound that he expelled his first 2 students for their reluctance to attend class in the nude)
• He rarely shows up in his classroom (students are told “just read the book”), prompting allegations that he’s had his son teach his class
• His office hours are irregular, there have been many complaints about his being unresponsive to communications, and meetings with him generally require mountain climbing
• Although there are only 10 basic requirements for his course, nearly all of his students fail, and his disciplinary actions are severe

(hat tip = Fail Blog)

Whether You Can Hear It Or Not

...the universe is laughing behind your back.

A Little Football

The take-away quote:

"Tim Tebow's throwin' arm is proof that there is no God."

(hat tip = The Atlantic)

Advantage: White Guy

Louis CK on Being White.



From a piece about the myth of voter fraud by Andrew Cohen in The Atlantic:

Last week, as one federal judge after another struck down these new measures, as one court after another called out Republican lawmakers for the lack of evidence supporting the push to stop "voter fraud," it dawned on me that this national debate suffers, as so many do these days, from a lack of a common starting point. There is so much fear. There is so much ignorance. There is so much exaggeration. Here are six of the most frequent comments I get when I write about voting rights followed by my attempts at a few answers that perhaps can get us talking about this in a more productive way.

The Myths:

• We need these new voter ID laws to stop voter fraud
• We need these new voter ID laws to stop illegal immigrants from voting
• The new voter laws do not create substantial burdens on registered voters
• The new Republican voter laws are the results of reasonable compromises between and among state legislators
• There are many restrictions upon the right to vote -- what's so vital about another such restriction?
• Burdening the rights of voters to cast their ballots is not the same as disenfranchising voters

In the end, Voter ID is just not fair - and fairness is one of things American Exceptionalism is really about.

And, oh yeah - I almost forgot.  When voting is outlawed, only outlaws will vote.

Working It Out

Watermelon Deluxe

(You're prob'ly gonna want your 10 minutes back)



Sorry.

Absurdity Today

Push Button To Add Drama

What we really need is a Drama Removal tool - which, I think may actually be the point here.

Everything Comes From Somewhere Else

The first 40 seconds of this clip will forever be in my mind whenever I ponder how a leech like Rush Limbaugh came to be.



Is it really that much of stretch to think this is where he got the idea?

Oops

Attention: Doomsday Fans

Since the Mayan calendar made no allowance for Leap Year, today's date is actually July 28, 2013 - so the end of the world is now about 7 months overdue.

Good luck gettin' refunds for your Apocalypse Cruise or whatever.

Communication

Words.....................10%
Tone and Inflection.....20%
Body Language...........70%

St George Of Carlin

...the sanctity of life?  We made the whole fuckin' thing up.

Bumper Stickers, Pix Etc

Colbert

Chock full o' goodies, but my fave so far is "...east coast Hollywood elite..."

The Naughty Bits

I just had to do one more.