Today's Yuk

WATCH.👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻 pic.twitter.com/rK4LyG6U96

— Woke AF #NAFO enlisted🫡 🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@Fellasophic) July 6, 2024

Today's Beau

On Gov Cuomo, and learning about not being a dick - almost literally.

Justin King - Beau Of The Fifth Column

What you're really asking is: "How can I get away with it?"

BTW, if Cuomo did anything for which he deserves to burn, then let that fucker burn.

And here's the consent thing Beau mentioned:

How To Prevent Rape

1. Don’t put drugs in a woman’s drink
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, always remember not to rape her
4. If a woman steps into an elevator with you, don’t rape her
5. Should you encounter a woman who’s asleep or otherwise unconscious, the safest thing to do is not rape her
6. Don’t break into a woman’s house, and don’t pounce on a woman in the parking garage, so as not to rape her
7. Remember, some women will go alone to the laundry room or storage lockers - avoid raping them
8. Buddy System - often, a friend is all you need to help you not rape
9. Be honest - state your intentions so the woman doesn’t get the mistaken idea that you won’t try to rape her
10. Always carry a Rape Whistle. If you’re about to commit rape, blow the whistle and wait for somebody to come and stomp your punk ass ’til there’s nothing left but a greasy spot on the pavement

On Women And Sexual Health

NYT: (pay wall - please consider subscribing - keep journalism alive)

By Jen Gunter
May 16, 2019

I used to be able to orgasm easily, but now it is very difficult. I have to hit the exact spot in exactly the right way. Is there anything I can do to improve this? I can orgasm when I masturbate, but not usually with my partner. I’m 60+. Help!

— Anonymous, Dallas

As women age, some report a decrease in orgasm intensity as well as difficulty achieving orgasm. This phenomenon can be age-related, though low estrogen may also play a role. Other factors may include medical conditions or their treatments. The good news is there is often help.
Tell me more

There could be many reasons a woman’s ability to orgasm changes with age. Before determining the cause of age-related sexual problems, a doctor should first rule out that there are no libido issues or previous difficulties achieving orgasm, and establish that everything is solid relationship-wise.

After that, a woman could consider that she may simply need a little “help” achieving orgasm. Age-related changes happen in many organ systems, and the clitoris is no exception; after all, many people need reading glasses or a hearing aid as they age. For women who do not experience pain with sex and simply find it takes more effort to achieve orgasm, incorporating a vibrator for clitoral stimulation into sexual play — while masturbating or with a partner — may be all that is needed. There are many vibrator options with different levels of intensity and construction types to hit different “spots.” Some also provide more of a suction sensation versus traditional vibration.

Another factor in orgasm may be a decrease in strength in the levator ani muscles. These are the muscles that support the vagina, bladder and rectum, and they also produce the physical contractions of orgasm. Your orgasms may be affected if these muscles are weak because of age or childbirth. A doctor — typically a gynecologist or urogynecologist — can examine these muscles to determine if you have a pelvic floor disorder. If they are weak, you may be offered Kegel exercises to strengthen them. You may even be referred to a physical therapist who specializes in treating the pelvic floor muscles.

For women in menopause, low estrogen levels can have sexual consequences because of a decrease in blood flow, tissue elasticity and lubrication. Low estrogen can also lead to pain with sex, which can definitely affect orgasm. The changes caused by low estrogen can sometimes be managed with over-the-counter lubricants and vaginal moisturizers, but often a prescription product, most commonly topical estrogen, is needed.

Medical conditions, such as depression and diabetes, can also affect sexual response as can some medications, such as antidepressants and opioids. Antidepressants and anti-seizure medications that are often prescribed for hot flashes during menopause can negatively affect orgasm, so consider the potential sexual side effects when deciding to start or stay on these medications. Sorting out how medical conditions and medications may affect a woman’s sexual response can be challenging, so working with an experienced practitioner is essential.

Another factor to consider:

Women whose male partners have erectile dysfunction sometimes tell me this condition can have an impact on their own sexual response. This phenomenon is not well-studied, but I hear it often enough that I can’t dismiss it. Not knowing if a partner will be able to achieve a full erection can be stressful. And if sex has to move quickly to catch the moment for penetration, it may bypass what some women need emotionally and physically to reach orgasm. If a woman’s orgasm is normal when she masturbates, but not with her male partner, erectile dysfunction may be a factor to consider. There are a variety of treatments for erectile dysfunction that a male partner can discuss with his own health care provider.

Dr. Jen Gunter, often called Twitter’s resident gynecologist, is teaming up with our editors to answer your questions about all things women’s health. From what’s normal for your anatomy to healthy sex and clearing up the truth behind strange wellness claims, Dr. Gunter, who also writes a column called The Cycle, promises to handle your questions with respect, forthrightness and honesty.

 see also: Walker Thornton

Deep Diving

The intertoobz is a really weird place.

One of my favorite YouTubers - Beau Of The Fifth Column (Justin King) posts a lot of really interesting little blurbs, and today, this one really blew my programming.

Just a thought.

And in the comments, somebody copied in the link to this from ContraPoints:

(it's long, but there's great content - stuff I had no idea about)

New To Me

NSFW

Chrystyna Hutchinson - with today's lesson (ie: Cautionary Tale) in Relationship Management and Sexual Politics.

On Trying To Listen Better

Lili Loofbourow, The Week:

"Grace," the 23-year-old woman, was not an employee of Ansari's, meaning there were no workplace dynamics. Her repeated objections and pleas that they "slow down" were all well and good, but they did not square with the fact that she eventually gave Ansari oral sex. Finally, crucially, she was free to leave.

Why didn't she just get out of there as soon as she felt uncomfortable? many people explicitly or implicitly asked.

It's a rich question, and there are plenty of possible answers. But if you're asking in good faith, if you really want to think through why someone might have acted as she did, the most important one is this: Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.
- and -

The Aziz Ansari case hit a nerve because, as I've long feared, we're only comfortable with movements like #MeToo so long as the men in question are absolute monsters we can easily separate from the pack. Once we move past the "few bad apples" argument and start to suspect that this is more a trend than a blip, our instinct is to normalize. To insist that this is just how men are, and how sex is.
- and then -

This is what Andrew Sullivan basically proposed in his latest, startlingly unscientific column. #MeToo has gone too far, he argues, by refusing to confront the biological realities of maleness. Feminism, he says, has refused to give men their due and denied the role "nature" must play in these discussions. Ladies, he writes, if you keep denying biology, you'll watch men get defensive, react, and "fight back."

This is beyond vapid. Not only is Sullivan bafflingly confused about nature and its realities, as Colin Dickey notes in this instructive Twitter thread, he's being appallingly conventional. Sullivan claims he came to "understand the sheer and immense natural difference between being a man and being a woman" thanks to a testosterone injection he received. That is to say, he imagines maleness can be isolated to an injectable hormone and doesn't bother to imagine femaleness at all. If you want an encapsulation of the habits of mind that made #MeToo necessary, there it is. Sullivan, that would-be contrarian, is utterly representative.
Andrew Sullivan? Really?  I suspect he knows a thing or two about himself as a man, but his opinion on how men and women act and react in physically intimate encounters is not to be taken too seriously.  I could dismiss it just on the dubious merits of Man-Splaining, but throw in Gay-Splaining and you've kinda lost me altogether.

Maybe that's partly why Ms Loofbourow includes his perspective - to illustrate the problem of disconnection(?) - but I'm not sure it doesn't just cloud the really solid points she's making.

It could also be that I've chosen that particular nit to pick; and that could be not much more than my imagining the world to be a better place without Mr Sullivan in it.

Anyway, getting at the gist of it:

..."Everyone who regularly encounters the complaint of dyspareunia knows that women are inclined to continue with coitus, if necessary, with their teeth tightly clenched."

If you asked yourself why "Grace" didn't leave Ansari's apartment as soon as she felt "uncomfortable," you should be asking the same question here. If sex hurt, why didn't she stop? Why is this happening? Why are women enduring excruciating pain to make sure men have orgasms?

The answer isn't separable from our current discussion about how women have been routinely harassed, abused, and dismissed because men wanted to have erections in the workplace. It boggles the mind that Sullivan thinks we don't sufficiently consider men's biological reality when our entire society has agreed to organize itself around the pursuit of the straight male orgasm. This quest has been granted total cultural centrality — with unfortunate consequences for our understanding of bodies, and pleasure, and pain.
If you asked yourself why "Grace" didn't leave Ansari's apartment as soon as she felt "uncomfortable," you should be asking the same question here. If sex hurt, why didn't she stop? Why is this happening? Why are women enduring excruciating pain to make sure men have orgasms?

The answer isn't separable from our current discussion about how women have been routinely harassed, abused, and dismissed because men wanted to have erections in the workplace. It boggles the mind that Sullivan thinks we don't sufficiently consider men's biological reality when our entire society has agreed to organize itself around the pursuit of the straight male orgasm. This quest has been granted total cultural centrality — with unfortunate consequences for our understanding of bodies, and pleasure, and pain.

- and -

I wish we lived in a world that encouraged women to attend to their bodies' pain signals instead of powering through like endurance champs. It would be grand if women (and men) were taught to consider a woman's pain abnormal; better still if we understood a woman's discomfort to be reason enough to cut a man's pleasure short.

But those aren't actually the lessons society teaches — no, not even to "entitled" millennials. Remember: Sex is always a step behind social progress in other areas because of its intimacy. Talking details is hard, and it's good we're finally starting to. But next time we're inclined to wonder why a woman didn't immediately register and fix her own discomfort, we might wonder why we spent the preceding decades instructing her to override the signals we now blame her for not recognizing.

Note to self: Be aware. See her for who she is. Appreciate it, and tell her about it.

A New One

I've not met this lady, but we've been chatting online for a short bit and I think she's the real thing.  And she talks about real things too.

I've linked to her site on my "Places I Go" list - click on the little stack of lines in the upper left of the main page. 

Pussy Riot (NSFW)

The Guardian:

Tolokonnikova said she recorded the song in February with the US musician, guitarist and producer Dave Sitek, whom she described as “one of the biggest feminists I’ve ever met”. The video was shot in Los Angeles.

Tolokonnikova said Sitek was inspired by her phrase: “Does your vagina have a brand?”. “So it made total sense to write a song which celebrates [the] vagina with him,” she said.

“This song could be considered an answer to Trump. But I believe the idea of powerful female sexuality is much bigger than any populist megalomaniac man … Vagina is bigger than Trump.”

The Russian punk band’s latest video Straight Outta Vagina, released on Tuesday, features Pussy Riot’s Nadya Tolokonnikova wearing white clerical robes and trademark balaclava, plus a chorus line of men and women sitting in toilet cubicles and standing at urinals. There is also an inflatable duck.

In typically provocative style, the video includes the lyrics: “If your vagina lands in prison, then the whole world’s going to listen.” And: “Don’t play stupid, don’t play dumb, vagina’s where you’re really from.”