Yikes

This is being reported as a real thing that actually happened. I have my doubts of course, but this is Jameis Winston we're talking about - the guy's working with less than a full palette.

“Hell of a game, my brother, my guy, my comrade, my battle angel,” Jameis Winston proclaimed, gripping Bo Nix’s hand, his eyes unnervingly wide, sparkling with a manic energy that suggested he was teetering on the edge of a gospel choir solo.

“You bring unspeakable honor to that horsey on your helmet. Majestic. Divine.”

Bo blinked, unsure how to process their interaction so far, but Jameis didn’t leave room for awkward silence.

“Listen, young stallion,” Jameis began, leaning closer. “You’ve got greatness written all over you, but if you want to take it to the next level, you’ve gotta let me bestow some knowledge. I’m talking sacred lore.”

“Oh God, that would be amazing.” Bo said, cautiously intrigued.

Jameis took a deep breath, "First off, stop blinking. I learned this early in my career. Used to squint… big mistake. Now? Wide eyes, unbroken stare. Look into your receiver’s soul. Make him feel seen. Make him feel loved. Make him feel God. When your eyes are so dry that all you see is darkness? That’s God telling you it’s working.”

“Right... keep my eyes on the prize. Got it,” Bo said, trying to nod along.

“Second, you looked scared throwing the ball tonight. That’s mental shackles, my guy. You gotta embrace the chaos. You think Picasso painted masterpieces without splashing some paint on the floor? Be the Picasso of turnovers, Bo. Tonight I was the Michelangelo of turnovers, and that’s why y’all lost the style battle.” He jabbed a finger into Bo’s chest pad for emphasis.

“...In God’s eyes. He don’t care about turnovers. He could be anywhere on earth watching aurora borealises, but he’s here watching you throw. Make sure it’s a completion, a catch is a catch and a score is a score in HIS eyes. Even if it’s to a guy showering in a different locker room.”

Bo, thoroughly confused, opened his mouth to reply, but Jameis steamrolled onward. “Pineapple juice,” he said abruptly.

 
“On you at all times. Keep it in your socks, your pockets, wherever. Hydration through osmosis. Science hasn’t caught up yet, but when it does, remember where you heard it. From me. From God.”

“I’m learning a lot,” Bo said, nervously glancing around for an escape.

“That’s just the appetizer, my battle angel.” Jameis clapped a hand on Bo’s shoulder with unsettling force.

 
“Now, about the sidelines… you’re too quiet. Your team doesn’t want to hear the coaches. They want to hear you. You gotta squawk, my guy. Pick a bird call. Mine’s the osprey.” He tilted his head back and unleashed a piercing screech that echoed across the field, drawing startled looks from nearby security guards.

As the last note of the screech faded, Jameis’s expression turned grave. He leaned in, his voice a low whisper. “One last thing, Bo. Don’t trust the mascot. They know too much. Real horseys keep your secrets. But that guy?” He gestured toward the Broncos mascot.
“He’s just a man pretending to be a horse. Don’t tell him about the thing you did at FSU. I learned the hard way with a pirate down by the Bay.”

Without another word, Jameis spun on his heel and strode into the night, leaving Bo standing in stunned silence, unsure if he’d just been blessed, cursed, or recruited into a cult.

Stop blinking?

Weirder

Today's Today

Happy Paraskevidekatriaphobia Day, everybody.

Triskaidekaphobia; from Ancient Greek τρεισκαίδεκα (treiskaídeka) 'thirteen', and Ancient Greek φόβος (phóbos) 'fear') is fear or avoidance of the number 13.

It is also a reason for the fear of Friday the 13th, called paraskevidekatriaphobia (from Greek Παρασκευή (Paraskevi) 'Friday', Greek δεκατρείς (dekatreís) 'thirteen', and Ancient Greek φόβος (phóbos) 'fear') or friggatriskaidekaphobia (from Old Norse Frigg 'Frigg', Ancient Greek τρεισκαίδεκα (treiskaídeka) 'thirteen', and Ancient Greek φόβος (phóbos) 'fear').

The term was used as early as in 1910 by Isador Coriat in Abnormal Psychology.

In A Nutshell

People are crazy and times are strange.

I'm locked in tight, I'm outa range.

I used to care, but things have changed.

Mood

Oy

Happy Twosday

(at 2:22 PM EST)

Same kinda thing's gonna happen every eleven years for about 70 years.

So much weird and important shit going on, and this is what I've chosen to blog about. Go figure.

Today's Weird Shit

So this popped up on my twitter feed this morning:

I'll admit to pulling some pretty weird shit in my time, but - honest, man, no foolin' - I have never set my Web Bot to look for "exploding vagina". 

Today's Today

While tens of thousands of people traditionally travel to Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, PA, to watch, the ceremony was closed to the public this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Word is though, that Phil did see a shadow, and now Spring will arrive when Spring has arrived every year for as long as there have been people trying to keep track of this stuff - Phil or no Phil.

Here's the official announcement:

Americans are so fuckin' weird.

Just Plain Squirrelly

Seems like wanna-be autocratic bullshit regimes are all pretty much the same - they all throw weird shit onto the front stoop knowing somebody's gonna lap it up and then puke it all over normal folk.

The Jerusalem Post (a fairly well-respected outlet):

Former Israeli space security chief says aliens exist, humanity not ready

This "Galactic Federation" has supposedly been in contact with Israel and the US for years, but are keeping themselves a secret to prevent hysteria until humanity is ready.

Has the State of Israel made contact with aliens?

According to retired Israeli general and current professor Haim Eshed, the answer is yes, but this has been kept a secret because "humanity isn't ready."

Speaking in an interview to Yediot Aharonot, Eshed – who served as the head of Israel's space security program for nearly 30 years and is a three-time recipient of the Israel Security Award – explained that Israel and the US have both been dealing with aliens for years.

And this by no means refers to immigrants, with Eshed clarifying the existence of a "Galactic Federation."

The 87-year-old former space security chief gave further descriptions about exactly what sort of agreements have been made between the aliens and the US, which ostensibly have been made because they wish to research and understand "the fabric of the universe." This cooperation includes a secret underground base on Mars, where there are American and alien representatives.

If true, this would coincide with US President Donald Trump's creation of the Space Force as the fifth branch of the US armed forces, though it is unclear how long this sort of relationship, if any, has been going on between the US and its reported extraterrestrial allies.

But Eshed insists that Trump is aware of them, and that he was "on the verge" of disclosing their existence. However, the Galactic Federation reportedly stopped him from doing so, saying they wished to prevent mass hysteria since they felt humanity needed to "evolve and reach a stage where we will... understand what space and spaceships are," Yediot Aharonot reported.

As for why he's chosen to reveal this information now, Eshed explained that the timing was simply due to how much the academic landscape has changed, and how respected he is in academia.

"If I had come up with what I’m saying today five years ago, I would have been hospitalized," he explained to Yediot.

He added that "today, they’re already talking differently. I have nothing to lose. I’ve received my degrees and awards; I am respected in universities abroad, where the trend is also changing.

Eshed provided more information in his newest book, The Universe Beyond the Horizon – conversations with Professor Haim Eshed, along with other details such as how aliens have prevented nuclear apocalypses and "when we can jump in and visit the Men in Black." The book is available now for NIS 98.

While it is unclear if any evidence exists that could support Eshed's claims, they did come just ahead of a recent announcement by SpaceIL, the group behind Israel's failed attempt to land a spacecraft on the moon in 2019.

Uploaded to social media with the text "Ready to get excited again?," the announcement contained a 15-second video of the moon with text saying "Back to the Moon," followed by the date of December 9, 2020.

It is likely that this is a follow up to the Beresheet spacecraft, which crashed after engineers lost contact with it just minutes before it was due to land. However, the follow up project, titled Beresheet 2, is expected to take three years to be ready.

But sadly, we may never know the truth.

The Jerusalem Post was unable to reach out to this supposed Galactic Federation for comment.

Weird Shit O' The Day

But not really that weird.

The Vanguard:

The Council on Foreign Relations has cancelled a roundtable called “Doing Business Under Coronavirus” scheduled for Friday in New York due to the spread of the infection itself. CFR has also cancelled other in-person conferences that were scheduled from March 11 to April 3, including roundtables in New York and Washington and national events around the U.S.

Today's Fuckin' Wack-Doodle

Kayla Epstein, WaPo:

Matt Bevin is no longer the governor of Kentucky, but his decisions continued to send shock waves through the state’s legal system this week after he issued pardons for hundreds of people, some of whom committed violent offenses.

Bevin issued 428 pardons since his defeat to Democrat Andy Beshear in a close election in November, the Louisville Courier Journal reported. His list includes a man convicted of reckless homicide, a convicted child rapist, a man who murdered his parents at age 16 and a woman who threw her newborn in the trash after giving birth in a flea market outhouse.

He also pardoned Dayton Jones, who was convicted in the sexual assault of a 15-year-old boy at a party, Kentucky New Era reported.

It is not unusual for governors to issue pardons as they leave office, but Bevin’s actions boggled some of the state’s attorneys, who questioned his judgment.

“What this governor did is an absolute atrocity of justice,” said Commonwealth Attorney Jackie Steele, a prosecutor for Knox and Laurel counties. “He’s put victims, he’s put others in our community in danger.”

And the kicker:

“I’m a big believer in second chances,” Bevin said in a message left with The Washington Post on Thursday afternoon. “I think this is a nation that was founded on the concept of redemption and second chances and new pages in life.”

Can you say, "What a crock of shit that is"? I knew you could.

Outside of when they're taking about themselves and their god-knobber buddies, when was the last time you heard any Republican touting the value of giving anybody a second chance at anything - especially when the topic is crime and prison and shit?

There's something else at work here, and I'm gonna let the paranoia fly - I think it's a weird variation on Daddy State Awareness rule 3:

Every prediction of some dire consequence is a threat of the pain they intend to cause - or a signal that they’re already causing that pain - in an attempt to coerce us to do what they want.

First, I'll go ahead and say Bevins isn't actually mentally ill - no more than the usual pathologies that beset "conservatives" anyway.

So second, what Bevins is doing is planting time bombs that he figures will explode somewhere down the road "on the Democrats' watch". 

The main point is that he's sending a signal. ie: "You rejected me and now I will rain fire and fury down upon you. So don't do that again - we don't mind making it worse."

Alternate: Matt Bevins is guilty of some really bad shit and he's trying to soften things up a little so it doesn't land quite so heavily on his pointy little head when it comes out.

Today's Jiggery Pokery

And Now, For Something Completely Weird

Today's Awesome Critter

Wouldn't it be nice if we could throw a few research bucks at an effort to figure out how we might get something like this to work for us?  It's called Bio-Mimicry, bee-autch.