Overheard

Once freed, the Israelites - guided by their all-seeing, all-knowing god - took 40 years to walk less than 500 miles.

The proverbial tortoise could have made it in about 4½ years.

And that, my friends, is what human progress is like when religion is involved.

Overheard

The US Constitution is not a book of magic spells and incantations.

It's an instruction manual on how not be politically stupid.

Overheard

In case you needed one positive thing to think about today:

Lindsey Graham wanted war with Iran more than he wanted practically anything else - and he died knowing it was all fucked up.

Overheard

Women are lonely too.

But it's not noteworthy

because lonely women

don't commit a lot of crime

or join violent fascist gangs.

They go to grad school

or adopt a rescue dog.

Overheard

Getting a 2 or 3% raise

during a period of 4 or 5% inflation

is a slow motion pay cut.

Overheard

Donald Trump is the perfect example

of what happens when nobody

ever told you to just shut the fuck up

Overheard

The extreme hot weather these last few days is the result of the gates of hell being opened in anticipation of Mitch McConnell's arrival.

Overheard

Republicans aren't afraid that

progressive policies will destroy America.

They're afraid because they know

those policies work,

and that will destroy the GOP.

Overheard

The average American's lifespan is 78 - so middle age is 39.

But the Plutocrats fooled us into thinking it's 50 or more so we wouldn't bitch about having to work until we turn 65 - which is a solid 10 years past the time most of us can expect to contract a fatal disease, or have a massive heart attack.

They've been fucking us with our pants on for a very long time now. 

Overheard

Not to offend anyone, but I was raised to take care of my husband. Cleaning up, washing his clothes, wearing gloves and an apron while handling the body, and acting very sad at the funeral.

Overheard

A short lesson

In 1861, Charles Darwin wrote in a letter to a friend:

"But I am very poorly today, and very stupid, and hate everybody and everything."

We can have extremely shitty days, and still rise to do great things.

Overheard

Human Body:

In about 9 months, I can grow an entirely new human being, complete with a brain, and bones, and skin, and eyeballs, and fingers and toes - the works.

Me:

Cool. How long before my back starts to feel better?

Human Body:

Forever - that's just you now - get used to it, loser.

See You Next Time, Elon

At a bus stop about 5 miles south of London

Overheard

If I had a dollar for every time

I didn't know what was going on, I'd be like -

why am I getting all this money all the time?

Overheard

They say, "No one is coming to save us."

But I've been saved many times, in many ways, by many people - some who didn't know it, and some who aren't even people at all.

It can be nothing more than a little eye contact and a nod from a stranger, a nudge from your cat, or your dog plopping down next to you. It can be the words from a poem or a song, or a melody you remember from when you were at school. It can be an observant friend who asks if you're OK, or says something silly that takes you out of the moment and makes you smile just a bit.

We are all saving each other every day, in tiny, seemingly insignificant ways.

Keep doin' that.

Overheard

Money is true or false

Success is an opinion

Overheard

The guy who torched the warehouse filled with paper products

is getting more jail time

than most pedophiles and rapists.

Overheard

Being hated by idiots

is the price you pay

for not being one.

Overheard

Guess who isn't whining

about how he needs

a 400-million-dollar ballroom

to feel safe.

True Equivalence

Like all those Incels

who reject women

they never had a

chance with anyway