Overheard

Artificial Turf will henceforth be known as Super Grass.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Overheard

I'm paying 6 bucks a gallon for diesel

because some dickhead pedophile

who regularly shits himself

started a fucking war?

Overheard

Got my flu & COVID shots today.

Feeling a touch autistic.

Might have transgender surgery later.

Overheard

I live in Texas, and I know a very MAGA woman who just had a miscarriage. She's planning to leave the state tomorrow so she can see an OB/GYN for a D & C.

In spite of it going against everything I believe in, I'm very tempted to report her so I can get that bounty money. Because fuck her - she voted for this.

Overheard

Money is like compost. It doesn't do anybody any good if it just sits in a pile.

It's only useful when you spread it around, so it can do what it's intended to do.

(paraphrasing Francis Bacon)

Overheard

So I asked AI:

What's the best way to dispose of a dead body?

It answered:

Dress it in khakis and a sport coat, and leave it in a wheelchair at the Capitol. Somebody will drag it inside for a very important committee vote.

Overheard

Women choose the bear for very different reasons than Kash Patel chooses the bear.

Overheard

If capitalism actually rewarded skill and intelligence, the richest people would be surgeons, engineers, and scientists.

If it rewarded talent, the rich would be artists, writers, and creators.

If it rewarded hard work, wealthy people would be house cleaners, day laborers, and service staff.

But it doesn't.

Capitalism may have started by lifting up the people who do the work, but now, it only gives us parasites.

Overheard

Thirty prison inmates presented a donation of $4,267 to a school in northwest Kansas to pay down the district's unsettled lunch debt.

This is not the feel-good story it seems, even though the generosity of those prisoners is an undeniably noble thing.

The point is that imprisoned (ie: enslaved) men should not feel compelled to make sure school kids get enough to eat.

You are nine kinds of fucked up, America.

Overheard

The American middle class has a new monetary strategy.

• Need a new car? Spiff up the old one
• Want a bigger house? Stay where you are - redo the basement
• New clothes? Wear what you've got - well-worn is the new black
• Thinking about going out to eat? Stay home and whip up some beans and weenies

It's not that everybody suddenly got frugal. It's just that they've realized their income can't keep up with the high cost of being normal.

Overheard

Idolizing a politician is like

convincing yourself

the stripper is really into you.

Overheard

It took decades for Germany to regain its international standing after World War II.

It will take decades to rehabilitate the United States.

The world is boycotting US goods, and many countries will never buy anything from the US again.

And it's not just Trump. It's every Republican who failed to call him out.

It's the ICE agents who killed immigrants they labeled "illegal", and innocent American citizens who did nothing but stand up to protest authoritarian rule.

It's the contractors who built and operated concentration camps.

It's a nation that stayed quiet as Trump sided with the despots of Russia and North Korea against Ukraine and Japan.

It's watching service members come home in flag-draped coffins from an illegal war as their commander-in-chief called the whole thing "small potatoes".

It's not just Trump.

We have a lot to atone for, which is going to take a lot of work, and a lot of time.

Overheard

With a few caveats and exceptions, we have every right to know exactly what our government is doing, while our government has no right to know what we're doing.

That's why we call it "Public Service", and we call ourselves "Private Citizens".

Overheard

Someone hacked into the Republican Convention website, and planted code that redirects visitors to the Epstein Files website.

Nerds, you magnificent bastards!

Overheard

I'm Canadian. We don't have prayer in schools, or the Ten Commandments, or God. We also don't have dead school kids.

No Canadian kids have ever been gunned down in a mass shooting at their school.

BTW, We have plenty of guns - we just don't have any Republicans.

America has to get rid of their Republicans.

Overheard

I took a calculated risk.

Unfortunately, I'm really bad at math.

Overheard

It's hard to watch all these beautiful things get swept away, and to see all the wrong things growing in their place.

But listen - listen - we have to be the beautiful things now. It has to be us.  We have to find the courage to be the beautiful things.

Overheard

The really sad part about hearing that Dolly Parton has died is realizing that she was the America that America likes to pretend it wants to be.

We have an awful lot of work to do.

Overheard

Hey - I completely understand why so many people are having a hard time deciding who to vote for in the midterms.

I mean, really. On the one hand, you've got Democrats, who've been pretty disappointing for a while now.

And on the other hand, there are child-raping murderers, cheating at every turn, running coin-operated concentration camps, siphoning hundreds of billions of dollars out of the treasury directly into their offshore numbered accounts, while making the whole planet uninhabitable for humans - then blaming you for having a bad attitude, and not being a team player.

I get it - that's a really tough call - a regular Sophie's Choice.

Overheard

I've got a brand new Benjamin that says there's a dumbass ICE agent out there who's going to fry his own ball sack with one of those gloves.