Overheard

My wife bought a cute little

painted ceramic figure for the garden.

I've decided to call Kristi Gnome

because it's cheap and hollow,

and it terrifies my dog.

Overheard

Elon Musk:

If I die under mysterious circumstances, it's been nice knowin' ya.

Everybody:

There won't be anything mysterious about it, Elmo. Because clearly, it's going to be a guillotine or a hangin' rope.

Overheard

It was a calculated risk.

Unfortunately, I suck at math.

Overheard

hat tip - JD facebook

Whenever I feel down,

I just remind myself

that I could've been born

with an IQ low enough

to make me believe

Trump is awesome.

Overheard

The Left:

We want to see if we can make sure everybody's basic rights are respected, and everybody's basic needs are met.

The Right:

We want to eliminate people who can't - or won't - fend for themselves, and you have no rights that aren't listed in the first ten amendments.

The Middle:

It's so hard to tell the difference - they both sound the same to me.

Overheard

To Supermarkets And Big Retail Stores Using Self-Checkouts:

I see the direction you’re heading - moving toward almost exclusively self-checkout lanes.

Just yesterday, I visited one of your stores. After loading my cart, unloading it to scan each item, bagging it all, and loading it back into the cart, I was stopped at the exit by an employee checking receipts.

If I'm doing everything but restocking the shelves for you, and then paying for the privilege of patronizing your fine establishment - I'm not going to shirk my duties by palming that last part off onto somebody else. So I just smiled big and said, "Nothing to worry about - I checked my receipt and it's AOK. See ya."

Overheard

via Blue Gal - FB

On dealing with authoritarian pressures

1. They don't expect - and can't really handle - long term resistance. They see us as collections of emotional trauma triggers, easily controlled through fear.
2. If they can't terrorize us 24/7, they've already lost.
3. Resisting fascism depends on not giving in to the terror impulse we all feel when the bully comes at us. Protect your mental health so you're not in the constant state of terror they need you to be in.
4. Staying in touch with who we are - our core values, preferences, beliefs, honor, and ethics - helps to build and reinforce the inner strength we need to stay resistant.
5. They are no different than an abusive parent or partner who sees us only as extensions of themselves - disconnected and isolated from everything they need to feel whole. They know how powerful we are when we stay connected to each other, and they'll work to break us down into smaller and smaller groups, and to set us against one another.

It sounds kinda hokey - to me anyway - but finding community, and making common cause with as many people as possible is still the best way to honor our own unique humanity. Not just to see ourselves in other people, but to see them in us as well.

Overheard

You're fired.

You're un-fired.

You're on furlough.

You can take a buyout and then quit.

Y'know what - just send us an email listing 5 things you did last week, and get that to us tomorrow or you're fired.

Nah - forget it - you're just fired again.

But hold on - looks like your job is important. Come on back.

And you're fired again.

Come into the office though, cuz maybe we should let you stay.

Nope - sorry - we took down all the computers so you're still fired. Go home.

See ya Monday bright-n-early. If you're late, you're fired.

Thank you. We are The Department Of Government Efficiency.

Overheard

The total annual budget for Yosemite National Park is $30 million. They blew almost $20 million on Trump flying around Daytona in Air Force One - then driving around Daytona in The Beast - and then taking him to see less than the first half of the Super Bowl.

Here's a cost-saving tip: Get him a 72 inch flat screen, a big comfy Barcalounger and a TV tray. Then just order in the usual slop from a local McDonalds.

And there ya go - I'm doing that DOGE bullshit better than Elmo ever dreamed he could do.

Overheard

Pretty much my whole political philosophy boils down to respecting other people's rights as well as my own, and trying not to do things that make living on this planet more difficult.

And boy, does that piss some people off.

Overheard

Believing a billionaire has been embedded at the top of your government so he can act solely in the best interests of working class people requires a level of delusion that's both tragic and comical at the same time.

Overheard

We always knew MAGA was gullible, ignorant, cruel, thoughtless, obnoxious, illiterate, spiteful, bigoted, malicious, feeble-minded, callous, mean-spirited, uninformed, repulsive, hypocritical, crass, vicious, hateful, deranged, foul, useless, and stupid. But these days - holy fuck.

Overheard

FAFO

Mom:

I don't understand. I thought he was going to make stuff cheaper.

Daughter:

No, Mom - he was just trying to stay out of prison. He'd say anything.

Overheard

Go ahead and find ways to fuck with 'em.

Just be a little careful - these assholes are itchin' to punish people.

Overheard

• We can't do Green Energy because that would destroy the Dirty Fuels Cartel.
• We can't do Universal Healthcare because that would ruin the Insurance Claims Denial Cartel.
• We can't do World Peace because that would take down the Merchants Of Death Cartel.

We're allowing this fucked up version of

capitalism to make it impossible for us

to do what's best for the most.

Overheard

Luckily, Trump supporters already know

how to get into the building.

Overheard

The end of fact-checking marks a new Golden Age Of Free Speech

Go ahead

Go nuts

Overheard

Q:

If you have sex in a Cybertruck, does it count as cyber sex?

A:

Trick question - nobody who drives a Cybertruck is having sex.

Overheard

i'm not the asshole

i'm the hemorrhoid

irritating the assholes

Overheard

Yes, we're in a tug-of-war.

You see a pit between us, and you seem to be convinced that one of us has to be pulled into that pit.

I see the pit behind you, and I'm trying to keep you from pulling both of us into it.