Overheard

Atheism is what happens when you read the bible.

Christianity is what happens when somebody

you don't know reads it for you.

Read your bible.

Overheard

Imagine being so foolish that you look at that guy -

a treacherous, treasonous, totally corrupt

self-dealing, ignorant buffoon -

a racist, semi-literate dumbass -

a sexually assaulting, pathologically lying

feeble-minded, morally bankrupt

constitutionally ignorant simpleton -

this bloated nitwit, with his piss-colored cotton candy hairdo,

and skin that looks like radioactive slag,

obese, disheveled, and sitting in his own shit -

imagine all that, and thinking,

"Now there's a guy I can admire.

I want my kids to grow up and be just like him."

Overheard

I hope Obama wears the tan suit

at Trump's funeral.

Overheard

We accept corruption, sex crimes,

and murder-by-government

from the Republicans.

And reject healthcare, decency, and

a square deal

from the Democrats.

You are nine kinds of fucked up, America.

Overheard

When the governor says our rights are being violated

and the mayor says our rights are being violated

and the lawyers are saying our rights are being violated

and federal judges are saying our rights are being violated

and the police chiefs are saying our rights are being violated

and the local cops are saying our rights are being violated

but DHS - the assholes who're doing all the violating - insist they aren't ...

maybe our rights are being violated

and maybe our government is nine kinds of fucked up.

Overheard

Zoologists are reporting that bats

are now using the phrase

"Trump shit crazy"

Overheard

We're not the land of the free right now

so we have to be the home of the brave.

Overheard

If you're still supporting Republicans,

you're either a traitor or an idiot.

Anything else,

and you're just makin' shit up.

Look At Yourself

• When a young girl is raped, and you defend the rapist.
• When a guy shoots and kills a woman on the street, and you defend the shooter.
• When a guy is being totally disrespectful of the women around him, and you say nothing.

• Your cynicism doesn't make you interesting.
• Your smug dismissal of anything that moves normal people to feel sorrow doesn't make you manly.
• Your support for somebody who gets a kick out of pushing people around sure as fuck doesn't make you strong.

Women see and hear your reactions to the shitty things going on all around us - especially when you cheer it on, or you just shrug it off with some stupid epithet that you think is cute.

You're not being clear-eyed and pragmatic - you're being an asshole.

So the "crisis of male loneliness" isn't because there's a problem with women - it's because women are very much aware of what a big fuckin' jerk you are.

Overheard

Down the road, we'll hear the glad tidings that Trump is dead and gone, that this fledgling plutocracy will have been beaten back into the shadows, and we'll enjoy an occasional slow-news day again, while every MAGA prick will be telling us they were against all this shit the whole time.

Overheard

The strongest men are gentle

The smartest men are quiet

The richest men are generous

The happiest men are single

Overheard

Try not to worry about all those giant AI data centers being built in depressed rural communities.

We can count on the locals to fight back by breaking into them and stealing all the copper.

Overheard

BREAKING:

Rift widens between Elon Musk

and everybody who's ever met him.

Overheard

It's really not all that hard to understand what a woman wants.

Once you figure out what color the letter 7 smells like, you've got it made. Piece o' cake, bubba.

Overheard

When Trump is finally dead and gone, he won't be going to heaven, but about 10,000 NDAs will be freed up, and we'll really start to learn just what a truly miserable, shitty human being he was.

Overheard

I'm almost 73 years old. I've lived thru

• The Cuban missile crisis
• The assassination of JFK
• The Watts riots
• The murders of Chaney, Goodman, and Schwerner in Mississippi in 1964
• Church bombings that killed little girls
• Vietnam
• The assassinations of RFK and MLK
• The gut-wrenching turmoil of 1968
• Stagflation
• The first oil crisis
• Watergate
• The second oil crisis
• The Iran hostage crisis
• Trickle down and union busting
• Iran-Contra
• The Challenger
• The crack epidemic
• The Dot Com crash
• 9/11
• The Mortgage crash and Great Recession
• The opiate epidemic
• COVID-19
• and and and

I've never seen anything as stupidly vile and depressing and disgusting as this current edition of the Trump shitshow.

Fake lord deliver us from this madness.

Overheard

I'm straight, white, cis-male, and middle class.

But until this monumentally stupid and cancerous hate parade is over, I'm:

Latino

Jewish

Special needs 

Black

Gay

Poor 

Muslim

Trans

Bi

Foreign-born

Lesbian

Homeless 

and anything else that sticks in MAGA's craw.

Overheard

The guy who's covering the entire White House with gold leaf is telling us our kids will just have to do with fewer dolls and pencils.

Overheard

If you ever feel like you're a shitty parent, just remember that at least you're not out doing a months-long press tour while your kids are at home trying to process the very public, very violent death of their dad.

Overheard

It was a long hard day, and I needed a little perspective, so I called my 83-year-old dad and asked him if things had always been this difficult.

There was a pause, and then he said, "No, and I'm glad I won't be here much longer."

Good luck out there, kids.