Overheard

Not to offend anyone, but I was raised to take care of my husband. Cleaning up, washing his clothes, wearing gloves and an apron while handling the body, and acting very sad at the funeral.

Overheard

A short lesson

In 1861, Charles Darwin wrote in a letter to a friend:

"But I am very poorly today, and very stupid, and hate everybody and everything."

We can have extremely shitty days, and still rise to do great things.

Overheard

Human Body:

In about 9 months, I can grow an entirely new human being, complete with a brain, and bones, and skin, and eyeballs, and fingers and toes - the works.

Me:

Cool. How long before my back starts to feel better?

Human Body:

Forever - that's just you now - get used to it, loser.

See You Next Time, Elon

At a bus stop about 5 miles south of London

Overheard

If I had a dollar for every time

I didn't know what was going on, I'd be like -

why am I getting all this money all the time?

Overheard

They say, "No one is coming to save us."

But I've been saved many times, in many ways, by many people - some who didn't know it, and some who aren't even people at all.

It can be nothing more than a little eye contact and a nod from a stranger, a nudge from your cat, or your dog plopping down next to you. It can be the words from a poem or a song, or a melody you remember from when you were at school. It can be an observant friend who asks if you're OK, or says something silly that takes you out of the moment and makes you smile just a bit.

We are all saving each other every day, in tiny, seemingly insignificant ways.

Keep doin' that.

Overheard

Money is true or false

Success is an opinion

Overheard

The guy who torched the warehouse filled with paper products

is getting more jail time

than most pedophiles and rapists.

Overheard

Being hated by idiots

is the price you pay

for not being one.

Overheard

Guess who isn't whining

about how he needs

a 400-million-dollar ballroom

to feel safe.

True Equivalence

Like all those Incels

who reject women

they never had a

chance with anyway

Overheard

One thing I can say for Trump:

He held up a mirror to our society, and showed us how many Americans are hateful and bigoted - holding their own selfish interests above all else.

I still honestly believe this is a good and decent country, filled with honorable, fair-minded people, but holy crap - there's a helluva lot more truly evil motherfuckers up in this joint than I ever thought possible.

Say What Now?

Please give my

name and number

to your dealer

Overheard

Every loaf of bread is the tragic story

of large numbers of individual

kernels of grain that could've become

a soothing adult beverage

had they only been given the chance.

Overheard

Stephen Miller is what happens

when you bury a dildo

in the Pet Sematary.

Overheard

At the grocery store today, I saw a guy dragging a screaming, kicking child across the parking lot.

He saw me looking intently at what he was doing. He stopped, and said, "He's mine - if I was kidnapping a kid, do you really think it'd be this little prick?"

Overheard

We were given the perfect planet, abundant with fresh clean water, clear air, forests of tall trees and plains of grass - filled with sunshine, wildlife, berries and beauty - but we decided what the place really needs is plastic, predatory capitalism, and wars of conquest.

We are the stupid animal.

Overheard

Too much talent

is trapped in poverty

while too much mediocrity

is very well-funded.

Overheard

Crystals for use in banishing someone:

Any of them will do if you have a good arm

and you throw them hard enough.

Namaste, motherfuckers.

Overheard

Poverty is not a shortcoming of the poor.

It's the failure of a government owned by the rich.