Overheard

In the cities where

asshole Republican governors

shipped immigrants,

crime has continued to fall.

Crowd Sourcing

At about 60 bucks per donation, all he needs is another 6 million rubes to kick in (by Monday), and that'll put him just $110 million short.

Maybe he could talk Engeron into an installment plan.

Overheard

Don't vote for the Trump you wish him to be.

Vote against the Trump you know him to be.

Overheard

If sending Trump to prison

starts a civil war

we'll just have to step up

and win that one too

Overheard

On reports that Trump's White House was awash in drug and alcohol abuse, one staffer reacted with:

Hey - you try working for that guy

and not washing your Xanax

down with booze.

Overheard

If you've got 208 good House Republicans and 11 bad House Republics, that's what you've got - 11 bad members out of 219.

But if the 208 Republicans refuse to hold those 11 bad Republicans accountable, then you've got 219 bad Republicans in the US House of Representatives.

Today's Consumer Tip

$399.00 for gold sneakers?

Save some money and just get the word

"Sucker” tattooed on your forehead

Overheard

The Niners could still win

if Mike Pence does the right thing

Overheard

You'll never checkmate Christians

because they're all pawns,

and their king doesn't exist

Overheard

The seven secrets of highly successful people

1. Private school
2. Legacy Ivy League admission
3. Nepotism hire
4. Seed money from family
5. Club memberships
6. Personal assistant, nanny, ghost writer
7. Journalists who ask, "What's your secret?", and then uncritically publish the answer

Overheard

Jim Jordan isn't quite creepy enough

for the House MAGA gang,

so they went with a guy

who shares porn with his son.

Overheard

Replacing one dickhead Speaker with a different kind of dickhead Speaker doesn't change anything.

We're one DNA test away from becoming a Jerry Springer episode.

Overheard

If I was a Democrat, and my party was home to a bunch of dickheads like these dickheads:

• Donald trump
• Lauren Boebert
• George Santos
• Matt Gaetz
• Paul Gosar
• Jim Jordan
• Marjorie Taylor Greene
• Ron DeSantis
• Tommy Tuberville
• Marsha Blackburn
• Mitch McConnell
• Lindsey Graham
• Rand Paul
• Ted Cruz

I don't know what that would make me, but I sure as fuck wouldn't be no Democrat no more.

Hillary was right about that Basket Of Deplorables thing.

Overheard

"The secret that scientists don't want you to know!!!"

Dude - have you ever met even one scientist? The people I know who're scientists are practically desperate to tell me all about their recent discoveries regarding the mating habits of brown marmorated stink bugs, or the benefits of longitudinal exploration relative to bi-lateral thought processes.

They're yelling at the top of their lungs, hoping someone - anyone - will listen as they describe what they've learned, and explain it in sometimes excruciating detail.

So, being skeptical is one thing. Pretending you're smarter than the people who are actually smart makes you sound dumber than you could ever imagine.

Overheard

If space aliens had stopped here for any period of time longer than it takes to top off the tank, take a piss, and get a coffee refill, they had to have noticed humans oppressing &/or killing each other over who worships what and how - who they sleep with - which side of an invisible line they were born on - or how absorptive of sunlight their skin is. We have to assume those aliens are plenty smart since they traveled some distance across interstellar space to get here, and so they had to be smart enough to get the hell off this planet and report home that there is no intelligent life on Earth.

Overheard

Trump was easily the worst POTUS ever. He's an inveterate liar. He's a petty, vindictive, jealous and unforgiving narcissist. He's homophobic, misogynist, racist, and favors ethnic cleansing. He's a serial predator and proud of it. He's a capricious bully and a self-dealing grifter with no conscience. The man has no honor, and no sense of duty - he feels no obligation to live his life among decent civilized humans.

And I'll support him 100% if he's my party's nominee - because I just can't vote for a Democrat.

Overheard

Cruelty and hypocrisy are hallmarks of GOP Fascism.

Saying and doing outrageous things in public is how authoritarians Virtue-Signal each other.

It's how they demonstrate that neither their praise nor their condemnation is ever meant to be equally applied.

And it's not an inconsistency. It's perfectly in keeping with the one overarching Fascist value - minority rule by dominance, intimidation, and force.

They will not be shamed into behaving like normal civilized humans.

We can continue our little experiment in democratic self government only by stomping the Republican Party until there's nothing left but a greasy spot on the rug.

And also too

Overheard

The dildo of consequences

hardly ever arrives lubed

Overheard

Or maybe, just maybe, the nation’s presumed leader in the business of business news could have been a touch more prescient about these failures if they had focused more on market, economic, and business conditions instead of obsessively trying to root out the woke menace of Women, POC, Queerfolk, and Veterans gaining token admission to the corridors of power and wealth.

Overheard

How do you describe Libertarians?

House cats. They insist on believing they're fiercely independent, while being totally reliant on a system they don't respect and can't understand.