A politician has died and finds himself standing at the pearly gates, where St Peter is waiting.
"I was a little worried I wasn't gonna make it here - looks like good news for me", says the politician.
St Peter replies, "Hold on a minute. We need to make sure you're in the right place, and our god, being a fair god, you have a choice between heaven and hell, so let me show you the alternatives."
The politician joins St Peter in an elevator, and they go down and down and down.
The doors open, and in the distance, the politician sees a beautiful golf course, and in front of the clubhouse, all his old friends and lovers are standing and smiling and waving him over to them. They all eat a lavish supper, and drink vintage champagne, and dance to the best band anybody's ever heard. They skinny dip in the pool, and then pair off and retire to their rooms for a "nightcap" - or two - or three.
As night becomes day, St Peter tells the politician it's time to go check out heaven, so it's back to the elevator, and up they go.
As they arrive, they're surrounded by pleasant happy souls. They relax to beautiful music that seems to come from nowhere in particular, and they engage in stimulating, thought-provoking conversation about everything from the great philosophers to small talk about movies, and cooking, and car repair. They lounge by a lake - some swimming, some fishing, some water skiing, some just napping or reading to themselves. Everyone is happy and contented.
St Peter asks the politician if he's made his decision, and he answers, "Yeah - y'know - this is all really great, but I think I'll take you up on the offer to stay in hell."
Down they go, and when the elevator doors open, the landscape is barren and scorching, and the air stings his eyes and rasps on his throat as he breathes. In the distance, he sees people picking up garbage with their bare hands, as more garbage falls on them from the ugly yellow-brown sky.
The politician is stricken with the worst feeling of dread and despair that anyone's ever experienced. He turns to St Peter and cries, "What's all this? Yesterday it was beautiful - what have you done?"
St Peter steps into the elevator, and as the doors are closing, he says, "Yesterday, we were campaigning - today, you voted."
