WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a stirring defense of Donald Trump’s chief of staff, General John Kelly, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said on Friday that it was “unpatriotic in the extreme” to offer irrefutable video proof that a four-star general lied.
“It is unpatriotic enough to accuse a four-star general of lying,” Sanders told the White House press corps. “But to make available a video that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that that general lied is unpatriotic bordering on treasonous.”
Poe's law is an adage of Internet culture stating that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers or viewers as a sincere expression of the parodied views.[1][2][3]
"...numskulls..." - (former) sheriff Clarke is kind of the new Sarah Palin in 45*'s GOP, and is thereby considered a leading light. It's going to take me a good long while before I can let John McCain off the hook. It's not completely his fault, but he gave in to the pressure from the stoopid wing of that party when he knew better - and he said it: "...there is a dark side to American populism".
The numskulls running the DNC haven’t figured out that a message of destroying American traditions won’t sell. #MAGAhttps://t.co/clEmiEQZ2Q
We are witnesses to the most ruthless attack on a president...in American history. President Kennedy was unavailable for comment.
“We are witnesses to the most ruthless attack on a president & the people who voted for him...in American history." -@DLoesch#NRApic.twitter.com/rcPAKMVJI0
Yeah, last I saw him he was stooging over on Fox News with his BFF, Tucker Carlson:
.@ggreenwald on media: I think what it is, more than dishonesty, is really warped incentive scheme bolstered by this very severe groupthink pic.twitter.com/CXIl2On7CY
Adults: Record numbers of our teenaged kids are suffering from depression of one kind or another - we must find out why. Kids: School is like really stressful, our parents fucked up the economy, put the earth on a path to become unfit for human habitation, and now we have to deal with actual Nazis. Adults: It's the iPhones, isn't it?
Jim Jeffries, with a perspective that sounds almost universal - or should. "I thought I was a pretty good guy, what with all the not-raping I've done..."
Need some fake news? Look no further than your nearest Self-servative Media outlet. BTW - what this jagoff has done is illegal. And it's a federal rap. (Stolen Valor Act 2013) And wouldn't it be nice if somebody charged DumFux News with being an accessory? Yeah but - you know - 1st Amendment. Dammit.
Fox anchor on 'Navy Seal' extolling Trump: "God bless John Garofalo" Fox correction: “All Garofalo’s claims untrue" https://t.co/uoJDvu9lUn
“When she got off the phone, she said, ‘He didn’t even know his name. He kept calling him, ‘Your guy,’ ” Ms. Wilson recalled the widow saying. “He was calling the fallen soldier, ‘your guy.’ And he never said his name because he did not know his name. So he kept saying, ‘Your guy. Your guy. Your guy.’ And that was devastating to her.”
I think 45* tried to say what John Kelly said from the podium yesterday. I think he had Kelly's words in his head, but he said it so badly, it made him look like a jerk.
And of course, he is a jerk - there can be no mistake about that at this point.
The guy has no soul and no honor, both of which are required if you're going to have even a marginally positive effect when trying to console someone who's just suffered the worse kind of loss any of us can imagine.
Starting at about 6:00, John Kelly says it really well.
I think 45* got a warm fuzzy feeling from the way Kelly puts it, because it sounds noble, and manly, and heroic - all the things 45* desperately wishes pertained to him. But those characteristics have nothing to do with 45*, so he's always looking to appropriate them for himself without doing the work necessary to earn them.
If he'd known just a tiny bit about it, he might've pulled it off, but 45* doesn't know anything. He doesn't really want to know anything. He doesn't listen. He doesn't study. He doesn't learn. He's never prepared.
So when he needed to say the right thing in a way that gave the grieving family someone to lean on; or a reason to feel something other than their crushing sorrow, he blew it. He screwed the pooch. Again. As always.
He failed at one of the basic duties of a Commander in Chief; a leader; POTUS. The guy isn't man enough to pack a lunch for any one of those dead kids. Because he refuses to learn one fucking thing about his fucking job.
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.
I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.
I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully, A. Lincoln
-and-
(to 21-year-old Fanny McCollough, on the death of her father, Lt Col Wm McCollough)
Executive Mansion, Washington, December 23, 1862.
Dear Fanny It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer, and holier sort than you have known before.
Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.
