The Circularity

You don't believe in god because you studied theology wrong.

And the reason I know you did it wrong is because you don't believe in god.

Are You Ready?

The Rapture is due today -

or maybe tomorrow.

God know all things,

including all things past and future.

So why is he so fuckin' vague

all the fuckin' time?

A Question

When you pray for something to be other than it is,

aren't you questioning god's perfect plan?

Aren't you saying god fucked up,

and he shouldn't have done what he did?

God Schmod

C'mon, Marco - if your god protected Trump, but couldn't be bothered to protect school kids in Uvalde and Sandy Hook, then that's one fucked up god you got there. Asshole.

Overheard

I don't see why

an all-powerful god

would need a human

to sell me on

the existence of god.

Today's Oy

Because god is an asshole cult leader who will passive-aggressively fuck up every relationship you're in just so he can claim you for his own.

That's not a god - that's a psycho boyfriend.

Today's Attempted Gotcha

From Quora:

Christian: You're skydiving with a child. You've jumped from the airplane, and the kid says he won't pull his rip cord until you renounce your atheism and declare Jesus to be your lord and savior. What would you do?

 Atheist: I'd do what Christians do - I'd lie my ass off to get what I want.

Today's Wingnut

RWW Blog

White nationalist John Doyle doesn't understand why he's supposed to care that multiple children were killed in Uvalde, Texas: "This is the most abominable culture in the history of the world, probably. Of course kids are going to be shot in a school."

Those school kids were "godless"?

Were those kids not praying to their god - a god that never showed up to help them?

If god hears the prayers, but is unable to do anything to help, then that god is impotent.

If god hears the prayers, but refuses to do anything to help, then that god is a monster.

If your god can be kept out of anything by anyone, then you've got one weak-ass god there, bubba. You might wanna shop around a bit.

Just Pretty Dumb

Posted on the "Conservative" sub-reddit:

OK, but first, this can't really be an issue - you guys are just makin' shit up.

2nd, the science involved in this "issue" isn't concerned at all with what the Christianists think god did or didn't decide.

But 3rd, if we allow for god to be factored in, let's at least remember that this is the same god that gave us the platypus, and the laryngeal nerve, and a system for populating the earth that relied totally on incest - and he pulled that shit twice.

Given all that, I just don't see much that indicates we should regard god as anything but a massive fuck up, so there's no reason to think god is bound to make good choices as far gender identity is concerned.

Today's Other Side

The Christian Left would like to remind everybody that maybe we got Trump because god was all out of frogs and locusts.

Thank you, and stay tuned - the plagues have just begun.

The Lord Speaks

Conservative Christians are saying Donald Trump was sent to do the lord's work and deliver America into the kingdom of heaven.

That's the best argument in favor of atheism anybody's ever made.

-- god

(hat tip = @thegoodgodabove)

Just Missed

A sinkhole opened up on Tuesday afternoon in the road a block away from White House grounds in Washington.

DC police said in a tweet that 17th Street NW between C and E streets NW was closed in both directions because of the sinkhole.

A sinkhole formed last summer on the north White House lawn near the entrance to the James Brady Press Briefing Room. The hole was cordoned off, excavated and repaired over the course of roughly a week last May.

God was unavailable for comment, but through a spokes-angel, heaven released this brief message, quoting the deity: "Shit - I guess my targeting system's all fucked up again".

Karma, Bitch

A bible museum. In Washington DC. With a view of the Capitol.

CNN:

The Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC says five of its most valuable artifacts -- once thought to be part of the historic Dead Sea Scrolls -- are fake and will not be displayed anymore.

German-based scholars tested the fragments and found that five "show characteristics inconsistent with ancient origin and therefore will no longer be displayed at the museum."
CNN raised questions about the museum's Dead Sea Scroll fragments in an article published last November, as the Green family prepared to unveil their new, $500 million museum. At 430,000 square feet, and with views of the Capitol, the Bible museum represents a significant investment for its evangelical founders.
And the kicker -

"Though we had hoped the testing would render different results, this is an opportunity to educate the public on the importance of verifying the authenticity of rare biblical artifacts, the elaborate testing process undertaken and our commitment to transparency," said Jeffrey Kloha, the chief curatorial officer for Museum of the Bible.

Excuse me, Mr Kloha, but if you knuckleheads cared about "verifying the authenticity" of any-damned-thing at all, you wouldn't be religious in the first place.

When you 're willing to believe in a pixie that lives in the sky - who'll do magic tricks for you if you suck up to it just right - you can't be surprised when somebody pulls some scammy shit on your gullible ass.

A Thinker

If you were god, what would you do?

You are morally superior to a god who sees this and does nothing.

Why would you worship that god?

Random Shots

(...and cheap ones at that)

The good news is that Billy Graham is still dead.

The bad news is that Franklin Graham still isn't.

The good news is that Billy Graham recently discovered there is no god.

The bad news is that we have to live in this fucked up world without George Carlin.

No Hand Of God

Mr Deity is back

Fake Lord Save Us

And then hurricane Irma was turned away and it spun harmlessly into the Gulf of Mexico.

Just kidding, because - well, you know:

• Nothing fails like prayer, or...
• ...these knuckleheads were doing it wrong, or...
• ...your god is just as much a dick as a fast-growing majority of us have suspected for quite a while

Maybe We Should Lose Sandwich Joe

Patton Oswalt

Sunday's Question

Of all the sins requiring Death By Stoning, why did god leave Rape off the list?

Playing God

I saw a critter suffering today.
I watched and watched and watched some more.
And then I walked away.