Comic Jesus

You can't make god laugh cuz ya can't surprise him - no such thing as the unexpected with an all-everything god.  He  knows what's going to happen before it happens, and he already knows all the punchlines.  Kinda makes for a lousy audience.

Type vs Type

Type 1 Error = False Positive

Type 2 Error = False Negative

(paraphrasing Michael Shermer)
You're a hominid out for a stroll on the African plains 2 million years ago, and you hear a rustle in the grass.  Do you assume it's a dangerous predator, or do you assume it's harmless?

If you identify the sound as a predator, and it turns out to be the wind, then you've made a mistake (a Type 1 Error).  You lose some time, but you've survived - you continue to hunt and to live and to breed.

If you identify the sound as the wind, but it turns out to be a leopard, then you've removed yourself and all your potential descendants from the gene pool.

We are descended from a very long line of creatures who consistently made Type 1 Errors.

And that (partly) explains why we insist on believing in ghosts; and that Elvis is alive; and that there is a god.

Dr Shermer, if you please:

The New Guy

From God's Perspective --Bo Burnham



Burnham started out just putting up homemade vids on YouTube, and because he's pretty damn good, he managed to cut thru the clutter, and here he is.

BTW - this is a clip from a 1-hour show called "What".  He uploaded the whole thing to make it available on YouTube for free - that's the story I got anyway.

(hat tip = #1 son)

Some of his stuff on Amazon:

The Gettysburg Silliness

On the grand occasion of the 150th anniversary, Obama reads a version of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address (one of 5 known versions, btw), and because that version doesn't include the phrase 'under god', the Bloglodytes have their frenzy du jour, and everybody gets to boost their site visits by doing battle over something that means nothing - again.

Try to remember - the "original" apparently doesn't exist, so we can chase our tails in tighter and tighter circles til we disappear up our own assholes, and we still won't know for sure what the guy actually said.

For me my own self, any time somebody leaves god the fuck out of it - well, that just feels like a breath of clean fresh air to me.

The Gettysburg Address (pointing out a few discrepancies with the Ken Burns version below)

Jesus Was Beast, Man

So, in the face of the criticism that they're not following the teachings of their savior, do these TheoCons change their approach?  No, of course not - they just change Jesus.  They change history all the time - why not simply redefine the "son of god" to fit their political narrative?



Oh yeah - please tell us General Boykin, if a real man (like Jesus) has bulging biceps and a thin waist and veins popping out on his forearms - and not the "effeminate" wuss you claim the church has turned him into - I guess I'm wondering why you're not trying just a little harder to follow that example?  Looks to me like you could benefit from lugging a few rocks around your own bad self.

You can't be like that Girlie Jesus, so you turn him into Hunk Jesus; and then you can't be like that Jesus either.  Fail at every turn.  Here's what ya do: head down to the bank, take out all your money, and then go buy yourself a fuckin' clue.

hat tip = Addicting Info

Today's Religious Blather

The headline says it all - most of it anyway:

‘Miracle’ Fresno Tree ‘Weeping Tears of God’ Is Really Just Dripping Bug Poop

Read the story at Moral Low Ground.


Behold - the power of self-delusion and the miracle of deliberate ignorance:

A Little Serious Mumbo Jumbo

I think somebody needs to do another Jefferson on the bible - that joint's in dire need of an update cuz y'know what? (and this comes as no big surprise) when smart people take a slightly different look at it, sometimes they find a tiny inkling of truth that's managed to leak its way down thru the centuries while they trim away all the suck-up crap and the self-congratulational/flegellational junk.

Anyway, this is from The Book of Habakkuk, chap 2 - which ends up kinda just sounding like, "don't worry so much - what goes around comes around".

Here's the setup: this Habakkuk guy sees that the people with all the power get to keep doing whatever they wanna do, and they never get called on anything, and so his whole world's pretty fucked up, and of course, he's pissed at god because of it(?) and so he lodges a complaint with god somehow(?) - I dunno, but apparently, god made it far enough thru his inbox that day, and this is how he answered Habakkuk.

⁵ Wealth^[c] is treacherous,
    and the arrogant are never at rest.
They open their mouths as wide as the grave,^[d]
    and like death, they are never satisfied.
In their greed they have gathered up many nations
    and swallowed many peoples.

⁶ “But soon their captives will taunt them.
    They will mock them, saying,
‘What sorrow awaits you thieves!
    Now you will get what you deserve!
You’ve become rich by extortion,
    but how much longer can this go on?’
⁷ Suddenly, your debtors will take action.
    They will turn on you and take all you have,
    while you stand trembling and helpless.
⁸ Because you have plundered many nations,
    now all the survivors will plunder you.
You committed murder throughout the countryside
    and filled the towns with violence.

⁹ “What sorrow awaits you who build big houses
    with money gained dishonestly!
You believe your wealth will buy security,
    putting your family’s nest beyond the reach of danger.
¹⁰ But by the murders you committed,
    you have shamed your name and forfeited your lives.
¹¹ The very stones in the walls cry out against you,
    and the beams in the ceilings echo the complaint.

¹² “What sorrow awaits you who build cities
    with money gained through murder and corruption!
¹³ Has not the Lord of Heaven’s Armies promised
    that the wealth of nations will turn to ashes?
They work so hard,
    but all in vain!
¹⁴ For as the waters fill the sea,
    the earth will be filled with an awareness
    of the glory of the Lord.

¹⁵ “What sorrow awaits you who make your neighbors drunk!
    You force your cup on them
    so you can gloat over their shameful nakedness.
¹⁶ But soon it will be your turn to be disgraced.
    Come, drink and be exposed!^[e]
Drink from the cup of the Lord’s judgment,
    and all your glory will be turned to shame.
¹⁷ You cut down the forests of Lebanon.
    Now you will be cut down.
You destroyed the wild animals,
    so now their terror will be yours.
You committed murder throughout the countryside
    and filled the towns with violence.

Not sure what any o' dat has to do with god actually - I guess I was just kinda going for the Authority Confirmation. Maybe it carries a little more weight with 'conservatives' if they hear it from "their book"(?) Prob'ly not - I dunno - worth a shot?

hat tip = The Professional Left podcast

A Pretty Good Rant

And God Said

Today's Vocab Word

(Courtesy Penn & Teller's Bullshit series)

Pareidolia (pron.: parr-i-doh-lee-ə) is a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant, a form of apophenia. Common examples include seeing images of animals or faces in clouds, the man in the moon or the Moon rabbit, and hearing hidden messages on records when played in reverse.

Learn something.

Well, If It's Sunday

...then it must be time for Sunday School, so here's your homework.

(Christians who don't like questions should move on past this one quickly - this guy does not play nice and doesn't much care for your delicate sensibilities)

God's To-Do List

The Cook Book

Brian Dalton (Mr Deity) tells us why Cook Book Religion doesn't make for a better world.

No Hell Below Us; Above Us Only Sky

Heaven is almost always a vision of what we value most - and don't possess.

Tell me what you think heaven is and I'll tell you what's lacking in your life right now.

The Jesus Scam

When Jesus says we should walk away from everything in our lives in order to follow him; when he says we need to abandon ourselves and our thinking in order to "live in Christ" - when he says that shit, I can't help but think he's easily the most anti-individual,  anti-family, anti-society asshole there ever was.  No wonder they fucked him up.  Hopefully, of course, there was quite a lot more to it than that, but still.  Damn, son.

There's a pretty narrow intersection between me and Penn Jillette, but here's a good slice of it:

A Turnaround

A facebook friend wrote on his wall: "What if all you had today was what you thanked God for yesterday?"

Seems like bible thumpers believe there can be no argument with this kinda crap; that the authority of their faith says it all; that the sheer profundity of their utterance leaves no possibly for an alternative view.

Poor salesmen take this as 'The Stopper' - an insurmountable objection.  Good salesmen go for the turnaround.

What if today, we didn't have all the shitty things that zealots have forced on us in the name of their gods for the last 800 generations?

Just askin'.