Can We Talk?

Hey, MAGA - lemme talk to y'all for a little bitty minute.

Y'know how your panties always get all knotted up whenever somebody starts in about heterosexual, and homosexual, and gay, and lesbian, and queer, and +, and bi, and non-binary, and trans, and intersectional, and all like that?

First - you have to relax, bubba. There's a stroke headin' your direction.

But second - you guys are always jaw-jackin' about being clear-eyed, savvy, pragmatic Capitalists. So how did you get so confused about people indulging in a little thing called Brand Differentiation?

Thought for sure you'd know that.

And actually, I think for sure you do know that. So I have to wonder why you let your "leaders" get your hackles up over something that's a foundational tenet of the kind of Capitalism we practice here in USAmerica Inc.

It's like Jesus always said: "Just what the fuck you idiots think you're doin'?"

Overheard

My favorite part of the Bible is

where Jesus denies someone communion

for disagreeing with him

on an issue he never mentioned

On Any Give Sunday

Dear Trump-gelicals,

Jesus called - while you were all over at his dad's place - on his only day off - suckin' up to him and asking him for a buncha free stuff. Anyway, Jesus called - left y'all a message:

'Bout That Time

Have a happy, with GOP Jesus:

Today's Today - Also Too

It's not really such a coincidence that Easter falls on April Fools Day, right?

Just Like Black Jesus

So maybe he wasn't really walking on water. Eyewitness accounts can be pretty iffy.

Bummer, Don

Andy Borowitz:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Donald J. Trump’s bid to become a born-again Christian failed over the weekend after Jesus Christ turned down his friend request, campaign officials have acknowledged.

 

Only 40 Weeks Til Christmas

Some Jesus For Christmas?

Today's Jesus Ain't

Jesus ain't your toady, Huck.

Results Matter

We're constantly being bitched at about how the results of what we're trying to accomplish are always a lot more important than just trying to do whatever it is we're trying to do.

OK - so this...

...has been going on for quite a while, and since abortion is still a major bugaboo for you Xianists, I'm just wondering - if prayer works, how come it ain't working for you guys?  Are you doing it wrong?

BTW - this seems like a reasonable response:

And actually, any response that isn't just automatically caving in and blindly ceding the "moral high ground" would be OK with me.  Cuz, y'know what - if the Rubes are always praying for Jesus to end abortion, and abortion just keeps rollin' on, don't we have to stop and at least consider that maybe Jesus is Pro Choice?

(2nd) Coming Soon

Prob'ly not gonna be what most of us were taught to expect.




And we can always count on the Right Reverend Fishsticks to step in it with a lack of self-awareness that'd make a Sea Sponge blush:



big hat tip = Mock Paper Scissors

He all but says it straight out - torches and pitchforks for everybody - let's go fuck up somebody's embassy!

And as an extra added attraction (after about the 10:30 mark), we get the Denialist Bullshit du Jour, citing Calvin Beisner.  But that's another story.

Classic - and BTW, Black Jesus looks to be more than just taking shots at Xianity.  Aaron MacGruder's critiques of "Black Urban Culture" are often relentless and unblinking to the point of being uncomfortable for me to watch; partly (I suppose) because of the kernels of White Guilt I wish I didn't have to lug around with me, and partly because I just really don't get some of it.

You can send Adult Swim a message here.

Careful Who Ya Hang With

Gawker:

A 21-year-old Italian man was crushed to death today by a giant crucifix dedicated to the late Pope John Paul II. The tragic event happened just a few days ahead of the Pope's canonization.

According to the Telegraph, a piece of the 100-foot-tall crucifix collapsed on the man, Marco Gusmini, during an event near the village of Cevo while he posed for a photo with a group of friends. The cross was designed by sculptor Enrico Job and was created for John Paul II's 1998 visit to nearby Brescia in northern Italy.

Pope John Paul II will become a saint on Sunday in an unprecedented double-canonization with Pope John XXIII. Pope John Paul's canonization is surrounded by a bit of controversy, due to the idea that it is happening too quickly after his death — only nine years — and to the thought that he did not take seriously enough the sexual abuse crises that emerged at the end of his tenure.

And if this sad happening isn't spooky enough for you already, the Telegraph reports that Gusmini is said to have been living on a street named after the other to-be-canonized Pope, Pope John XXIII.

Eek!

So, god is saying, "Don't be such a suck-up"?  That's something else that just doesn't square with what it says in the bible, or with what you hear practically every day.

Comic Jesus

You can't make god laugh cuz ya can't surprise him - no such thing as the unexpected with an all-everything god.  He  knows what's going to happen before it happens, and he already knows all the punchlines.  Kinda makes for a lousy audience.

It's All About The Jesus

Jesus, Jesus

A new site for me - Happy Nice Time People (via Wonkette)

Jesus and his golden retriever, Sam, have cured your son of being in a wheelchair. That’s just dumb. Who has this painting? Someone with a baby in a wheelchair? Don’t you love your baby as he is? Do you want him to feel even worse because Jesus has not cured him of being in a wheelchair? Go fuck yourself.

UPDATE: Commenter Actor212 rightly notes

Trix, look again: the kid is DEAD. Those are the bright gates of heaven and the children are running into the light. This painting is for parents who wish their crippled kid was dead. Also dead: Sam, the golden retriever because dogs should be dead as well in Christendom

Actor is right. It is a fucking snuff painting! AIYEEEE!!!!!

What Would Jesus Do?

He'd find a stick or a whip or something, and he'd knock the crap out of a few bankers - that's what he'd do.