Today's Poe 😉

"You ever say something - and what comes out is treason? I do"

Brent Terhune:

I Fucking Love The InterToobz

This just might be the best example of Poe's Law ever - which is very high praise considering we're stuck here in the time of Cult45.

"I hate to see children separated from their parents like this, but we can hardly blame Adolf," Eva Braun, 1939 pic.twitter.com/uAgS6x7uEq

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 17, 2018

 Poe's law

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Poe's law is an adage of Internet culture stating that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers for a sincere expression of the parodied views.^[1][2][3]

When The Headline Says It All

God love The Onion

Breaking News

This just in:
Preliminary results of the president's colonoscopy indicate they've found rather large traces of Mike Pence and Devin Nunes.
More details as we learn them.

Today's Bit O' Satire

The fucked-up-edness really kicked into high gear when we (ie: conservatives) became convinced that the whole thing should be demystified because all you really needed was some common sense and a regular guy's outlook.

Jonathan Pie

"I went to the best doctor's on the planet, and the cancer came back - twice.  And now it's back again. This time I think I'll hire a plumber instead."

Today's Poe

Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a stirring defense of Donald Trump’s chief of staff, General John Kelly, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said on Friday that it was “unpatriotic in the extreme” to offer irrefutable video proof that a four-star general lied.

“It is unpatriotic enough to accuse a four-star general of lying,” Sanders told the White House press corps. “But to make available a video that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that that general lied is unpatriotic bordering on treasonous.”

Poe's Law:

Poe's law is an adage of Internet culture stating that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers or viewers as a sincere expression of the parodied views.[1][2][3]

New On Comedy Central

This is kind of a variation on Colbert - on steroids - but I'm hoping they let Jordan Klepper get his feet under him and find his audience.

If they can keep it moving and not get too hung up in simple mockery, they might be making something pretty special. Fake Jesus knows they're not likely to run out of raw material any time soon.

Red State Rustler

Gotta love a little satire

Red State Rustler on Facebook:

President Lowlife

Sometimes, if it was any less tragic, it wouldn't be funny.

Alexadra Petri, WaPo:

I stand with my colleagues in Congress to say: The president’s tweet is beneath the dignity of the office.

This is not making America great.

The president has at last done the unthinkable: He has insulted a morning television personality in crude and ghastly terms and I must — in consequence of this hideous and vile breach of the dignity of the office — withdraw none of my support from his legislative agenda. (If you can call it a legislative agenda and not a ragtag collection of bad ideas quickly stapled together with a dead pigeon in the middle.)

--and--

I am shocked and appalled by his behavior. And I am not afraid to say so. At a fundraiser. For him. Before asking for more donations.

Everything else the president has done is fine — the continued attacks on the media’s legitimacy, the carelessness toward history and diplomacy, the harmful rhetoric about Muslims, the — well, it is all fine. This is too much, though, and I am putting my foot down, here, on my way to vote against icebergs.

A quick observation: the Grossitude Factor of any given diversionary scandal increases proportionally to 45*'s perception of the Bigly Threateningness of the Russia Thing. So it must be pretty fuckin' bad now.

The Onion

WASHINGTON—Rushing toward the president as he pressed the eight-inch bit into his temple, several White House aides managed to wrestle a drill from Donald Trump’s hand Monday while he attempted to remove Obama’s listening device from his skull. “Obama implanted a microphone inside my head to record everything I say!” Trump reportedly shouted shortly before three White House staffers pinned him to the floor and pried apart his fingers to seize the power tool. “You don’t understand, he can hear everything we’re saying! Obama can even hear my thoughts! I have to get it out! I can feel it! I can feel it! I can feel it!” At press time, staffers were panicking after Trump locked himself in the bathroom and began cutting his stomach open with a razor blade in an attempt to find the tracking chip he said The New York Times had put in his food.

It's Almost That Bad

Just In Case

...that Pruitt schmuck actually kills the EPA, I wanted to put up some tiny little tribute to some of the reasons we managed to clean up after ourselves.

Pollution --Tom Lehrer

Garbage --Biff Rose

The story goes that LBJ liked to work with the windows open when the weather was nice, but he couldn't because the prevailing winds brought the stench of the Potomac into the Oval Office and he wanted something done about it.

Two years after Johnson was gone, people had pressured their Congress Critters enough to finally move Nixon to issue an Executive Order in 1970 creating the agency, which was followed by the legislation that would flesh it out and basically create a cop who was supposed to keep the bad guys from poisoning us.

The air got less shitty, the water got better, there was less crap in the soil that ended up on our dinner plates. The Cuyahoga river stopped catching fire. And Lake Erie went back to being something less like a sewer and more like a reason to move to Cleveland (OK, that one's a bit of a stretch - but hey, LeBron likes it there).

Here's the thing: The infrastructure of good government never comes easy, and once it's gone it can be even harder to get it back.

And BTW, a cleaner environment is really good for the economy.

There's no sense in having a job that makes you too sick to work.

And how big does a paycheck have to be to make up for the lousy feeling you get watching your kid gasp for air, and realizing the work you do could be causing that kid's asthma to get worse?

Like they say - the guys who put Scott Pruitt where he is don't like having the EPA around for the same reason muggers and thieves don't like having cops on the beat.

The Trick

hat tip = Twitter pal Monkeyfister

Here's The Plan

1. Drug Trump
2. Put him in a "Truman Show" White House
3. Wake him up
4. Tell him he won
5. Sell subscriptions
6. Retire National Debt in about 2 years

hat tip = Twitter dude, @harryallen

The Patriots

The pinnacle of historical esteem is when people write songs about you and your exploits.  I guess there's some kind of opposite thing happening when they do it as satire(?)

The Ballad Of The Malheur Patriots  --Laura Sams and Garrett Palm

hat tip = Little Green Footballs

The Price of Things

Way back when Star Wars first became the biggest thing ever, we wondered how it blew up so big so fast.  I mean, how do you make half a billion dollars in a coupla months in 1977 selling movie tickets at $2.75 a piece, and action figures and masks and posters and bed sheets and various other low-end shit like that?

Wanna make the large dollars?  Develop the cross marketing tie-ins with the guys with the really deep pockets - the health insurance companies, the docs, and their buddies in the medical supplies industry.

Just kidding, ya weenies (it had me goin' for a while tho).  These are from a master joker extraordinaire named Richard Littler who blogs deliciously viciously at scarfolk.blogspot.com

Dirty Politics

O the Saturday nights @realDonaldTrump will have with his favorite model. #GOPdildo pic.twitter.com/gkbMPQAEfg

— Matt Haughey (@mathowie) December 5, 2015

Ok, fine, one last #GOPdildo for today on https://t.co/yj4XmJHoxs pic.twitter.com/kBpX9K2MRu

— Matt Haughey (@mathowie) December 6, 2015

Keep your damn government hands off my Pink Dragon says @RandPaul #GOPdildo pic.twitter.com/XgxJNBFInm

— Matt Haughey (@mathowie) December 5, 2015

You get the idea.

Colbert

This popped up quite a few places.  Just need to get it in before I lose it.

I think it has to start taking it's toll after a while.  Any attention is better than being ignored as far as Trump cares - he knows it's hard to find 'bad' publicity.  But there's a point where you become Terminally Uncool.  Like when Dick Nixon's handlers knew he needed something to help him "connect with the youngsters" in the late 60s, and so they invited Up With People to perform at The White House, and then at some rallies.  Fuckin' disaster was all that was.

Here's a little taste (sorry).  Although it does feature a very young Glenn Close - but don't listen to the whole thing.  Seriously - it could give you diabetes. Don't do it:

Anyway, when people are laughing, and they're laughing not because you elicit some pathos, but because you're pathetic and they pity you - time to turn around and head back to the barn.

Today's Takedown

Haven't seen a better hunk of satire in quite a while.  Copied whole from The New Yorker:

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

Tom O’Donnell’s children’s novel, “Space Rocks!” is out now.

And The Hits Keep Rollin'

hat tip = Facebook buddy BD