God Love The Onion

WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.

Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.

“We have intercepted electronic communication indicating that al-Qaeda members are actively plotting to stay out of the way while America as we know it gradually crumbles under the weight of its own self-inflicted debt and disrepair,” FBI Deputy Director Mark F. Giuliano told the assembled press corps. “If this plan succeeds, it will leave behind a nation with a completely dysfunctional economy, collapsing infrastructure, and a catastrophic health crisis afflicting millions across the nation. We want to emphasize that this danger is very real.”

“And unfortunately, based on information we have from intelligence assets on the ground, this plot is already well under way,” he added.

A recently declassified CIA report confirmed that all known al-Qaeda-affiliated organizations—from Pakistan to Yemen, and from Somalia to Algeria—have been instructed to kick back and enjoy the show as the United States’ federal government, energy grid, and industrial sector are rendered impotent by internal dissent, decay, and mismanagement. According to statements made by top-level informants and corroborated by leading Western terrorism experts, if seen through to its conclusion, al-Qaeda’s current plot could wreak far more damage than the events of 9/11.

In the past year, money transfers to al-Qaeda cells around the world have reportedly been accompanied by instructions to use the funds to outfit safe houses with the proper equipment to receive American cable news broadcasts and view top U.S. news websites, allowing terrorists to fully relish each detail of the impending demise of the last global superpower.

Additionally, FBI officials made public an internal al-Qaeda video today in which the terrorist organization’s leader Ayman al-Zawahiri chillingly exhorts his followers to “take a load off” and “unwind” in the name of jihad, and really cherish the victory over their enemy.

“Praise Allah, for soon every American city shall be plagued with disaster and hardship,” al-Zawahiri said in the video, which includes several minutes of footage of young, masked al-Qaeda militants casually sipping beverages as they thumb through the latest issues of Time andU.S. News And World Report.

“The infidels have brought this pain and destruction upon themselves through their arrogance and callousness. Soon, the United States will watch in horror as its bridges crumble, its desperate citizens suffer in want of medicine and paying employment, and its once vast riches are reduced to naught. The righteous warriors among our ranks must now unite, get comfortable, and look on from afar at the calamity unfolding in the West.”

“We vow that we will not cease sitting around and laughing it up until America is reduced to rubble,” he continued.

Al-Zawahiri, who is seen in the video reclining back in his chair, putting his feet up, and flipping on CNN, later shouts “Allahu Akbar!” when a story is aired about the decade-long trend of stagnant wages among American workers.

The FBI has also warned that numerous al-Qaeda agents may have established sleeper cells for the purpose of “getting a kick out of” the nation’s downfall on American soil. The bureau urged U.S. residents to use caution around schools, hospitals, legislative bodies, prisons, and other decaying institutions whose imminent failure terrorists may wish to observe up close.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one high-ranking U.S. counterterrorism official has described the present situation as a massive failure of intelligence.

“The warning signs were there all along, but unfortunately we failed to heed them,” said the official, who advised Americans to brace for widespread devastation. “If we’d listened to experts or even our own common sense, we would’ve realized that this plot was being actively orchestrated within our own borders. But we didn’t, and now every one of our citizens and our very way of life is at risk from this threat.”

“Sadly, al-Qaeda has us right where they want us,” the official added, “and at this point, I fear it is too late to do anything about it.”
Responding to the allegations, a spokesperson for al-Qaeda reportedly confirmed the terror group’s plot and praised the American people as martyrs of the highest order.

 

On The Border --Eagles

Witchy Woman --Eagles

Pot Smokers Beware!

Via Reuters:

Young, casual marijuana smokers experience potentially harmful changes to their brains, with the drug altering regions of the mind related to motivation and emotion, researchers found.

The study to be published on Wednesday in the Journal of Neuroscience differs from many other pot-related research projects that are focused on chronic, heavy users of cannabis.

The collaborative effort between Northwestern University's medical school, Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School showed a direct correlation between the number of times users smoked and abnormalities in the brain.

"What we're seeing is changes in people who are 18 to 25 in core brain regions that you never, ever want to fool around with," said co-senior study author Dr. Hans Beiter, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University.

In particular, the study identified changes to the nucleus accumbens and the nucleus amygdala, regions of the brain that are key to regulating emotion and motivation, in marijuana users who smoke between one and seven joints a week.

The researchers found changes to the volume, shape and density of those brain regions. But more studies are needed to determine how those changes may have long-term consequences and whether they can be fixed with abstinence, Beiter said.

"Our hypothesis from this early work is that these changes may be an early sign of what later becomes amotivation, where people aren't focused on their goals," he said.

The study, which was funded in part by the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, comes as access to pot is expanding following 2012 votes in Washington state and Colorado to legalize its recreational use. The drug remains illegal under federal law.
Medical pot is allowed in 20 U.S. states.

Pot legalization advocates make the argument that marijuana is safer than alcohol a central part of their campaigns.

Other research has found drinking alcohol alters the brain, Beiter said. But while researchers do not know exactly how the mental rewiring seen in pot users affects their lives, the study shows it physically changes the brain in ways that differ from drinking, he said.

This latest study fits with other research showing marijuana use has significant effects on young people because their brains are still developing, and Beiter said he has become convinced that marijuana should only be used by people under 30 if they need it to manage pain from a terminal illness.

So first, this tiny little study - funded by the 2 most influential anti-drug policy shops in the US Gov't, and which seems not to be particularly well-designed - has somehow managed to reach certain conclusions that confirm and/or reinforce what the current policy happens to be?  Imagine my surprise.

But secondly, the researchers have found that smoking pot has a pronounced effect on your "emotions" and your "motivation".  They spent how much of my money?  To find out that potheads get kinda giggly sometimes - or maybe a little gushy?  And that they're a bit lax about things like deadlines and/or that when some people get stoned, they tend not to do much of anything more strenuous than hittin' speed dial to order a fuckin' pizza?

Sweet screamin' Jesus, you guys - does anybody up there ever fucking wonder why everybody shits on your heads about wasting time and money?  Whose brother-in-law do I have to blow to get a few of those bucks flowin' this direction?

This reads like The Onion.  Tell ya what - why not just ask The Prez what was up with him when he was smokin' that shit?  That way, you find out exactly the same thing, but you save a shitload of tax dollars; and then you could send about 20% of that money to me as a Consultant's Fee, while you crow about how diligent and frugal you are.  Fuck.

Welfare Cowboy

Cliven Bundy is a deadbeat who can either pay us what he owes us for the use of our land, or he can get off our land.  There are no free rides here.  Pay up or get out.


Some truly amazing things:
--The absolute certainty that Bundy's the victim of a ruthless tyrannical government, and not just some dipwad running a scam at the expense of taxpayers - which includes every last one of his "supporters".

--The cool disregard for the lives of the women and children who they expect to die first.

--The simple fact that they're convinced Da Gubmint will kill women and children no matter what.  Because if it happens, then they can crow about how they were right all along.  It's not much of a stretch for me to think they don't just expect it, and they're not just hoping for it; they're doing what it takes to make it happen.

So if you're trying to get people killed because it'll make you look good on TV; how the fuck does that make you the good guys?

These people have no soul and no honor.

Today's Bumper Sticker

War Is Not Healthy

Any True Christian

You have to have heard about this already, so I'll just pop my bit in here.



Cindy Castano Swannack is a great example of a Shopping-List Christian who thinks Jesus is really just god's customer service rep; somebody you get in touch with whenever you need to put the bite on the almighty for a favor (which is why they all go to god's house on his day off, btw). She's absolutely sure she knows everything about her lord and savior while actually knowing next to nothing.

Knowledge Is For Wimps

“Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government.”  --Thomas Jefferson 1789.

Maybe that's why it feels impossible for me to trust most "conservatives" to run this joint.

From "Climate Change is a hoax", to "the federal budget problem is just like balancing my  check book", to "keep your gubmint hands off my Medicare" - these people go with intellect the way fruit bats go with motorcycles.

From boston.com:

Mankind may be crooked timber, as Kant put it, uniquely susceptible to ignorance and misinformation, but it’s an article of faith that knowledge is the best remedy. If people are furnished with the facts, they will be clearer thinkers and better citizens. If they are ignorant, facts will enlighten them. If they are mistaken, facts will set them straight.

In the end, truth will out. Won’t it?

Maybe not. Recently, a few political scientists have begun to discover a human tendency deeply discouraging to anyone with faith in the power of information. It’s this: Facts don’t necessarily have the power to change our minds. In fact, quite the opposite. In a series of studies in 2005 and 2006, researchers at the University of Michigan found that when misinformed people, particularly political partisans, were exposed to corrected facts in news stories, they rarely changed their minds. In fact, they often became even more strongly set in their beliefs. Facts, they found, were not curing misinformation. Like an underpowered antibiotic, facts could actually make misinformation even stronger.

--and--

This effect is only heightened by the information glut, which offers — alongside an unprecedented amount of good information — endless rumors, misinformation, and questionable variations on the truth. In other words, it’s never been easier for people to be wrong, and at the same time feel more certain that they’re right.

hat tip = Democratic Underground

Happy Palindrome Week, Everybody

From April 12 thru April 19, each day (as written here in USAmerica Inc anyway) is a palindrome.  4/12/14, 4/13/14, 4/15/14, etc

I'm sure somebody somewhere thinks that must mean something magical and mystical and ooky-spooky or whatever.  I'm just thinking it's a semi-interesting weirdness and I needed something to stick in the blog, so yeah.

Of course, next year the same thing will happen in May, and then the year after that it'll happen in June, and - aaaaaaaarrgh - we're doomed!

Not Much Has Changed

Your opponents don't stop doing what's working as long as it keeps working, and it keeps working until your side does something to make it stop working.



(from Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story)

The night is filled with terrors.  The darkness holds everything we fear.  There's a dark and dangerous side to populism.  Come to the dark side.  Dark is evil and ugly. White is godly and clean.  Cockroaches flourish in the darkness while flowers thrive in the sunlight.  Black is bad - White is good.

As long as we continue to allow this medieval associative bullshit to persist, we will never be rid of the assholes who manipulate those associations for less than honorable purposes.

Today's KO

The Wonderlic Test is always something of a mystery, inside a riddle, wrapped in an opportunity to poke fun at the NFL bosses who actually think we're going to believe they have any interest in any player's intellect.

Mr Deity And The Psych Exam

And This Is News?

Via Think Progress:

When organized interest groups or economic elites want a particular policy passed, there’s a strong likelihood their wishes will come true. But when average citizens support something, they have next to no influence.

That’s according to a forthcoming article in Perspectives on Politics by Martin Gilens of Princeton University and Benjamin I. Page of Northwestern University. The two looked at a data set of 1,779 policy issues between 1981 and 2002 and matched them up against surveys of public opinion broken down by income as well as support from interest groups.

They estimate that the impact of what an average citizen prefers put up against what the elites and interest groups want is next to nothing, or “a non-significant, near-zero level.” They note that their findings show “ordinary citizens…have little or no independent influence on policy at all.” The affluent, on the other hand, have “a quite substantial, highly significant, independent impact on policy,” they find, “more so than any other set of actors” that they studied. Organized interest groups similarly fare well, with “a large, positive, highly significant impact on public policy.”

From the report itself:

As to empirical evidence concerning interest groups, it is well established that organized groups regularly lobby and fraternize with public officials; move through revolving doors between public and private employment; provide self-serving information to officials; draft legislation; and spend a great deal of money on election campaigns.21 Moreover, in harmony with theories of biased pluralism, the evidence clearly indicates that most U.S. interest groups and lobbyists represent business firms or professionals. Relatively few represent the poor or even the economic interests of ordinary workers, particularly now that the U.S. labor movement has become so weak.22

But do interest groups actually influence policy? Numerous case studies have detailed instances in which all but the most dedicated skeptic is likely to perceive interest group influence at work. A leading classic remains Schattschneider’s analysis of the 1928 enactment of the Smoot-Hawley tariff, an astounding orgy of pork-barrel politics.23 Still, many quantitatively oriented political scientists seem to ignore or dismiss such non-quantitative evidence. There have also been some efforts (particularly during the Cold War era, when unflattering depictions of U.S. politics may have been thought unpatriotic) to demonstrate that interest groups have no influence on policy at all. Raymond Bauer, Ithiel Pool, and Lewis Anthony Dexter argued that business had little or no effect on the renewal of reciprocal trade authority. Lester Milbrath, having conducted interviews with lobbyists and members of Congress, rated lobbyists’ influence as very low. More recently, Fred McChesney(*) has made the ingenious argument that campaign contributions from interest groups may not represent quid pro quo bribery attempts by groups, but instead result from extortion by politicians who threaten to harm the groups’ interests.24

*McChesney's credibility is suspect because of his close ties to Cash-For-Comments type schemes - one of the more notorious being the Tobacco Lobby efforts to fight tax increases on tobacco products back in the 80s.  But more to the actual point, McChesney gives us a great example of The Turnaround (sales tactic). He's saying, "Oh no - these huge campaign contributions and the corrosiveness of lobbying and regulatory capture and the incest of the revolving door between Gubmint and Bidness - that doesn't really constitute a system of legalized bribery at all - it's those rotten politicians threatening to strangle our noble job creators if they don't pony up vast sums of money..."  It's easy to see it from that angle and I'm not pretending none of that goes on, but to make it out that the whole problem is one of simple extortion?  That sounds just a tiny bit too conveniently consistent with the standard malarkey of "government is all bad, in all things, and in all ways at all times."  And actually, McChesney isn't denying the quid pro quo shittiness anyway - he's acknowledging that people are buying influence and favors - he's just shifting the blame.

Not that any of this is going to make much difference.  This 'revelation' only confirms what we've known for a long time.  And let's remember we've been thru a coupla decades of Rising Idiocracy.  Paul Broun and Louie Gohmert - guys you shouldn't follow into your own fucking house - these are two of the leading lights in "conservative" politics.  Lots and lots of booger-eatin' morons just like them are in power - and will stay in power - because the people who put them in office have a lot more money than you have, and that's about all that's gonna matter for a while.

Today's Pix