Mar 22, 2016
Mar 21, 2016
Marketing To The Id
I'm thinking this is probably not really about self-reliance or empowerment or even the usual patronizing bullshit of "lemme mansplain about how we just wanna keep you sweet brainless dollies a little safer".
Selling with sex is one thing, but look at it. She's an attractive, purposeful-looking grownup woman - throwing open her coat to give us a peek at her kinda-girlie lingerie, while reaching around behind her, hoping to grab hold of somebody's big hard steely penis, which of course is her only salvation because she's really just that "sweet brainless dollie" who can't possibly survive without some guy's dick in her hand.
A whole Marketing Division somewhere is toasting themselves because they know there's an army of dumbass ammosexuals masturbating on Mom's clean sheets over this right now.
Guys - even without my own little hangups, there're enough Repression Issues in just this one picture to keep a battalion of Freudians on the bestseller list for-fucking-ever.
Halfway To Summer
This being the Vernal Equinox, it won't be long before it's time to pack up the old family wagon and make the trek to a relaxing week at a beach somewhere.
You'll wanna check out all the gear, but also, you need to take certain precautions to be sure your flabby winter bod can take the added stress of the vacation season - especially if you've got kids.
Let's be careful out there.
You'll wanna check out all the gear, but also, you need to take certain precautions to be sure your flabby winter bod can take the added stress of the vacation season - especially if you've got kids.
A Bit Less Dumb Now
Wouldn't it be nice to look forward to a time when we can just learn this and be a little amazed, and not feel like we have to catalog the knowledge in a way that makes it easily retrievable because we know we'll need it to push back against some idiot god-knobber who wants to teach kids about talking snakes and 900-year-old boat builders?
Today's Question
...is pretty much the same question I have almost every week.
Why is a 30-minute comedy show doing a better job reporting on these issues than the army of Corporate Press Poodles?
Why is a 30-minute comedy show doing a better job reporting on these issues than the army of Corporate Press Poodles?
Mar 20, 2016
Today's Quote
Earth, teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.
Earth, teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.
Earth, teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone.
Earth, teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring. --William Alexander
Earth, teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.
Earth, teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone.
Earth, teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring. --William Alexander
Mar 19, 2016
Today's Tweet
19.3 million people in #Yemen are in need of access to safe drinking water. #WaterIs life & more for #YemenChildren. pic.twitter.com/xMVdDewuBq— UNICEF Yemen (@UNICEF_Yemen) March 19, 2016
So at first, I'm thinking - well now, that'd make a pretty good meme; maybe something like:
"Next time my kids bitch about their hard-ass math teacher..."
-- or --
"All I've ever asked you to do around here is to clean up your room once in a while"
But fuck that, cuz fuck me for not trying to think a bit past my own little corner of the world, which is still pretty well insulated from what seems like a bigger and bigger piece of the world that looks more and more fucked up practically every day.
I'm still gonna make my silly jokes, but I'll be trying to widen the horizon a little.
It actually gets harder to ensure the survival of the species if we insist on never looking beyond, "it could be much worse for us, so be glad it's them".
Mar 18, 2016
Today's Tweet
— libellule (@Paulus_vv) March 18, 2016
Don't leave Liberty out in the cold.— Mike Roberts (@eVilleMike) March 18, 2016
Smarten up & vote right - I mean left.
No, wait - shit - you know what I mean. https://t.co/QAZlNLZKhr
Mar 17, 2016
Today's Toon
I don't want to discount the real dangers of The Trumpenstein Monster. Weirder things have happened in politics all over the world for a very long time.
But I want to make a coupla points.
First, even though Trump has a "commanding lead", he's still polling below 50% (mostly), which is half of the 30-40% of the rabidly nutty wingnuts in the GOP, which still adds up to about 20% of the total electorate.
But second - and here's the kicker - the GOP has spent a lot of time effort and money putting in place mechanisms intended (IMO) to shift political power towards minority control.
eg: Only about 30% of Americans favor tight restrictions on abortion, but according to Gutmacher, 80% of the states have passed laws aimed at putting abortion out of reach for many women, and/or banning most abortions in one way or another.
How many legitimate voters will be turned away in November because of Voter ID and continuing efforts to scrub the registration rolls?
When a sizable majority of votes cast nationally are votes for Democratic candidates (Mid-Terms 2014), but we still have a GOP majority in both houses of congress, and GOP majorities at the state and local levels, something's amiss.
So, it's not just the rhetoric and bombast that "conservatives" have been playing with for 35 years that created this Trump Problem. We have to put that together with the nuts and bolts of a political organization built to make a "majority" out of about 48% of the votes by whipping the army of rubes into a rich creamy lather and pointing them at a variety of phantom enemies in order to drive them out to the polls each time.
Trump's no dummy. He saw that nobody's really in charge way back in 2011. Remember, part of the deal with authoritarianism (supported by an apologist army of corporate Press Poodles) is that when things blow up or fall apart, "there's plenty of blame to go around"; "mistakes were made"; "let's not start pointing fingers" etc. The first order of business is to make sure nobody can be held accountable for anything, so the party faithful are just milling about in an amorphous blob looking for somebody to help them channel their anger at having been played for such suckers for such a long time. Trump just stepped in to fill the void.
Or more accurately, Trump is pretending to fill that void - if you notice, he's taking no responsibility for the shit he's throwing into the fan.
So what happens when this little pipe dream disappears with the morning fog, and along about midnight on the first Tuesday in November, the rubes are thinking they've been left just standing there with their dicks in their hands - again?
The "wise gray heads" of the GOP are up late every night. Worried, certainly - but as per usual, they're indulging themselves in a cynical exercise of trying to flip it back around so they don't have to admit to being wrong about almost everything.
Lets' review:
They don't think the problem is the fact that they've effectively killed off one of the major political parties that just happens to be essential to a healthy democracy.
They think the real problem is that they might have to accept the blame for killing it off.
This is up to you guys, GOP gurus. First you address it, then you fix it, and then Sepuku, motherfucker. We'll miss ya, but we'll all be better off without ya.
They don't think the problem is the fact that they've effectively killed off one of the major political parties that just happens to be essential to a healthy democracy.
They think the real problem is that they might have to accept the blame for killing it off.
This is up to you guys, GOP gurus. First you address it, then you fix it, and then Sepuku, motherfucker. We'll miss ya, but we'll all be better off without ya.
Mar 16, 2016
Today's Tweet
Every failed attempt at anything is worth something.
I made a robot to help me argue on the internet pic.twitter.com/NxpXhk0NMM— Simone Giertz (@SimoneGiertz) March 16, 2016
Today's GIF
Took me a while, but here it is. And yeah - it's been around for a while; don't care. Can't stop loving this.
Mar 15, 2016
Down To 3
Well, at least we're back to having Drumpf right smack in the middle again. The stage craft and show biz crap is just crazy stoopid obvious. And there's great promise for lots more because of the drama of the GOP elders wanting so desperately to keep Trump out of their club, that the worst-kept secret in politics now is that they'll run a 3rd party candidate against him just to make sure they lose. And won't that be fun? And to be sure, let me say that one part again: The GOP is taking steps to make sure their presumptive candidate loses the general election in November.
They have to find somebody to run against Trump, but then run the campaign in a way that doesn't smack of panic, so it generates enough turnout that they get the down-ballot support they need to stave off some potentially humungous Dem gains in House and Senate seats, as well as all the little stuff like state houses and governorships.
And they have to stake out their territory and try to reclaim the tiny bits of GOP that can still be pieced back together so it looks more or less like a political party again; which is a herculean task that this GOP has been trying very hard to countervail for the last 20 years. So if that Grand Unifier exists - maybe Rubio can collect a few more paychecks after all - just who the hell is he? Her?
I don't like making sweeping predictions and pimping some circumstance or another as so totally dire that there's nothing but disaster ahead, but dang - this looks pretty damned dire, dude.
So, Trump's done it (almost anyway) - he's practically pulled off a hostile takeover of the Republican Party.
And we've still got 5 months of televised circle jerk to go before Cleveland. Woohoo.
So, Dems - how's that party unity thing going for you guys? The next 2 months or so, it's going to be kind of important to get people out of the house and into the streets to move voters out to the polls during the primaries, so you have some organization in place for the general. You know that, of course, but it seems like this is the kind of near-freebie you guys have made a habit of screwin'-the-pooch on. So here it is. This is your shot. Quit fuckin' around and go do it.
They have to find somebody to run against Trump, but then run the campaign in a way that doesn't smack of panic, so it generates enough turnout that they get the down-ballot support they need to stave off some potentially humungous Dem gains in House and Senate seats, as well as all the little stuff like state houses and governorships.
And they have to stake out their territory and try to reclaim the tiny bits of GOP that can still be pieced back together so it looks more or less like a political party again; which is a herculean task that this GOP has been trying very hard to countervail for the last 20 years. So if that Grand Unifier exists - maybe Rubio can collect a few more paychecks after all - just who the hell is he? Her?
I don't like making sweeping predictions and pimping some circumstance or another as so totally dire that there's nothing but disaster ahead, but dang - this looks pretty damned dire, dude.
So, Trump's done it (almost anyway) - he's practically pulled off a hostile takeover of the Republican Party.
And we've still got 5 months of televised circle jerk to go before Cleveland. Woohoo.
So, Dems - how's that party unity thing going for you guys? The next 2 months or so, it's going to be kind of important to get people out of the house and into the streets to move voters out to the polls during the primaries, so you have some organization in place for the general. You know that, of course, but it seems like this is the kind of near-freebie you guys have made a habit of screwin'-the-pooch on. So here it is. This is your shot. Quit fuckin' around and go do it.
Today's Tweet
.@SarahPalinUSA you want to #MakeAmericaGreatAgain but you don't even know what the 1st amendment is about pic.twitter.com/DdshNpr7EP— krautsider (@krautsider) March 15, 2016
Mar 14, 2016
Mar 12, 2016
Mar 11, 2016
Today's Tweet
Trump cancels Chicago rally amid security concerns https://t.co/LVEGWkrAQ7 #Chicago #DonaldTrump photo by @ejwamb pic.twitter.com/tF1NTu8qui— Chicago Trib Photo (@ChiTribPhoto) March 12, 2016
Slag her all ya want, guys. She's earned it. And she knows she's earned it. And she's proud of having earned it.
For 25 years, she's been taking the training to do exactly that, at exactly that moment.
Limbaugh, Coulter, Boortz, Savage, Cavuto - they've been teaching her that what really matters is to make "The Libruls" mad. That's the only test. If "The Libruls" get pissed off, then you're on the right track. Do anything, say anything - it doesn't even have to make sense cuz making sense is what "The Libruls" try to do. So just come out with whatever you find when you unpack all that weird shit way down deep in the lizard part of your brain (which, of course, you're absolutely sure isn't even there); now say it. And watch "The Libruls" gag. And you'll know you're right.
Try it. It's easy.
Somebody needs to start a betting pool on when the lid comes off this motherfucker, and we get our first real donnybrook / fracas / melee / gunfight whatever.
I'm taking sometime before midnight on March 31.
And with apologies to Gil Scott Heron, this little dance party is gonna be on everything that even remotely resembles a TV screen.
Today's Quote
Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want. — Jonathan SwiftAnd just to move things along, we need to be able to think about these issues beyond the sentiments of the quotes and the bumper stickers and the memes.
We can fill our heads with righteous indignation when "conservatives" spout the usual blaming bullshit about the "Professionally Poor", and we should be pissed about that, but we should be pissed about that because it's a tactic of deflection - it puts us in a position that makes us look like we're defending "waste fraud and abuse", which legitimizes an almost-totally illegitimate argument.
Waste Fraud and Abuse accounts for about .001% of total expenditure (not that we know with any precision cuz - you know, people need to hide that shit). Anyway, it goes up some - sometimes getting as high as 1 whole percent on individual programs - but it's nothing near what "conservatives" love to fantasize about. But that still means you're defending against a phantom threat. Stop doing that.
And don't get bogged down when they shift to The Tyranny Of Large Numbers crap either. Yes, 1 or 2 percent of a humungous number is still a very large number - until you divide that very large number by that other very large number - poor people who just need a little fucking help, asshole. You're gonna get all bent outa shape because some guy scraped an extra 82 bucks out of the system's gutter just so his kids had a decent breakfast once in a while? Well ain't you just chock full of the spirit of Christian love and charity.
But that's not the point either. The point is that when we're on the defensive like that, we miss the opportunity to point out that Waste Fraud and Abuse is what the big guys have built into the system to benefit themselves; and what the small-to-medium sized guys can take advantage of as well (so they can feel smart too), while they're all soaking up the tax dollars intended to help people who actually need the help. And here's the kicker on that part: these jokers are happy to throw a few crumbs at the poor because they can use that tiny bit of tax money to fuel the judgmental hypocrisy of Wingnut Autocrats and their army of Orcs rubes.
Waste Fraud and Abuse is what happens when Archer Daniels Midland puts half-a-billion tax dollars in its pocket, and then hides behind a human shield that Coin-Operated Congress Critters get paid handsomely to refer to as Moochers or Welfare Queens.
These people have no soul and no honor. Stop helping them.
About That Loss Thing
A little poem for my own bad self on my own special day, cuz living can seem like it's all about loss.
You're not a kid who gets to spend hours throwing dirt clods at a stick in the irrigation ditch
That's lost.
You're not a bullet-proof teenager with 4 bucks and a badly rolled blunt in his pocket, looking to score some Coors
That's lost.
You're not gonna be a football star
You're not gonna be among the legends of rock-n-roll
You're not gonna be the greatest cocksman who ever strolled thru a singles joint
That's lost.
You're not gonna be a boy-genius jillionaire
You're not in the Sweet Spot Demographic anymore
You're not your sisters' brother
You're not your mom's baby boy
You're not the loving husband
You're not the pride on your dad's face when you played well
All gone.
Lost.
Living has a nasty tendency to pare you down
To carve away everything that's not you
Til there's nothing left but you
It isn't amazing that you managed to survive all that
It's a little amazing how stridently you've resisted becoming who you need to be
You're not a kid who gets to spend hours throwing dirt clods at a stick in the irrigation ditch
That's lost.
You're not a bullet-proof teenager with 4 bucks and a badly rolled blunt in his pocket, looking to score some Coors
That's lost.
You're not gonna be a football star
You're not gonna be among the legends of rock-n-roll
You're not gonna be the greatest cocksman who ever strolled thru a singles joint
That's lost.
You're not gonna be a boy-genius jillionaire
You're not in the Sweet Spot Demographic anymore
You're not your sisters' brother
You're not your mom's baby boy
You're not the loving husband
You're not the pride on your dad's face when you played well
All gone.
Lost.
Living has a nasty tendency to pare you down
To carve away everything that's not you
Til there's nothing left but you
It isn't amazing that you managed to survive all that
It's a little amazing how stridently you've resisted becoming who you need to be
Mar 10, 2016
Today's GIF
Each day it seems like we get one more taste of just how FUBAR the GOP is. And each day, we think, "Well, it can't get any worse than this shit right here". And each day, it fucking gets worse.
So screw it. Here's today's Republican Party In One Brilliant Insight (du jour)
So screw it. Here's today's Republican Party In One Brilliant Insight (du jour)
Mar 9, 2016
Almost Forgot
Ben Carson dropped out of the GOP race 4 or 5 days ago and, in keeping with how most people regard his general demeanor, I didn't even notice.
So I guess we're kinda into the quarter-finals now.
So I guess we're kinda into the quarter-finals now.
Today's Poem
Medicine Woman --Cheryl Savageau
medicine woman they call me
as if I should like it
like the kids in school
who called me little white dove
from some stupid song
about one more Indian woman
jumping to her death
how come you have an animal name?
they asked me, how come?
and I went home to ask my father
how come, Dad, how come
I have an animal name?
now white women come into my shop
and ask me to bless their houses
(what's wrong with them, I want to ask)
name their grandchildren
(do I know your daughters?)
blow some smoke around
say some words, do
whatever it is you do
we want someone spiritual -
you're Indian, right?
right. my tongue is held
by their grey hair
they are grandmothers
deserving of respect
and so I speak
as gently as I can
you'd let me, a stranger
come into your home, I ask
let me touch
your new grandchild
let me name
the baby
anything
that comes into my head?
I am not believing this
but they are smiling
and tell me again
we want someone spiritual
to do it
I write to my father
how come you never
told me who we are, where
we came from?
Women keep coming into my shop
putting stones in my hands
Can you feel that? they ask
Of course I can feel it
I'm not dead, but that
is not the right answer
My father writes back
the garden is doing good
the corn is up
there's lots of butterflies
all I know is
we come from the stars
medicine woman they call me
as if I should like it
like the kids in school
who called me little white dove
from some stupid song
about one more Indian woman
jumping to her death
how come you have an animal name?
they asked me, how come?
and I went home to ask my father
how come, Dad, how come
I have an animal name?
now white women come into my shop
and ask me to bless their houses
(what's wrong with them, I want to ask)
name their grandchildren
(do I know your daughters?)
blow some smoke around
say some words, do
whatever it is you do
we want someone spiritual -
you're Indian, right?
right. my tongue is held
by their grey hair
they are grandmothers
deserving of respect
and so I speak
as gently as I can
you'd let me, a stranger
come into your home, I ask
let me touch
your new grandchild
let me name
the baby
anything
that comes into my head?
I am not believing this
but they are smiling
and tell me again
we want someone spiritual
to do it
I write to my father
how come you never
told me who we are, where
we came from?
Women keep coming into my shop
putting stones in my hands
Can you feel that? they ask
Of course I can feel it
I'm not dead, but that
is not the right answer
My father writes back
the garden is doing good
the corn is up
there's lots of butterflies
all I know is
we come from the stars
Mar 8, 2016
Today's Day
International Women's Day
My mom. From the typeset plate for the front page of the Arvada Citizen-Sentinel Jan'77#InternationalWomensDay pic.twitter.com/digTj9lYNS— Mike Roberts (@EvilleMike) March 8, 2016
Samantha Bee
I like Trevor Noah and I want him to do well, and I want the suits to stay with him until he can get his feet under himself, but seriously, Comedy Central's got the wrong guy hosting The Daily Show.
Colbert And The Dongald
I wanna stop being part of the problem, but I can't helping thinking that part of the solution is to make sure more and more people have to look at what a 3rd rate burlesque show the GOP has become. And to remind the Repub voters that this is what they've been asking for all along. Trump, Cruz, Rubio - these are their guys.
And then this from College Humor:
Mar 7, 2016
What We Really Need
"... are fewer people who think there's one single thing that will solve all of our problems ..."
Lily Eskelsen, NEA President:
Lily Eskelsen, NEA President:
Gimme what we'll spend the next several years on a coupla fully-loaded Ford class aircraft carriers, and I'll turn every public school in this joint into a fucking palace. Not by painting the walls and landscaping the parking lots, but by helping the people who struggle sometimes just to survive in the neighborhoods where those schools are.
You can't fix the schools if you don't fix the neighborhoods. And you can't fix the neighborhoods without giving people solid reasons to believe we're not gonna turn our backs on them and allow their kids to be mangled and pulverized by the cycle of poverty ignorance and crime.
Oddly Not Godly
The Sedlec Ossuary located in the suburbs of the medieval town of Kutná Hora in Czech Republic is one of the most unusual chapels. Decorated with more than 40.000 human skeletons, the medieval gothic church is also known as the Church of Bones.
Not to be overly generalize-y, but you're not gonna convince me that most of this churchy shit isn't really just a death cult rebranded.
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