Some Betty For Y'all

Mrs Betty Bowers (Deven Green) - America's Best Christian

On Devin Nunes

The Fresno Bee has to be considered a hometown paper for US Rep Devin Nunes (R-CA22).

And the editors at the Bee aren't amused by some of Devin's antics.

To wit:

Devin Nunes must stop suing fake cows and explain $60,000 Europe trip

Read more here: https://www.fresnobee.com/opinion/article237841409.html#storylink=cpy

Rep. Devin Nunes’ decision to sue anyone who dares to criticize him – including a fictitious cow on Twitter – backfired spectacularly this week. Again.

In a court filing, a lawyer for a former Democratic National Committee employee eviscerated the Tulare Republican’s argument that mockery from Twitter accounts like “Devin Nunes’ Cow” and “Devin Nunes’ mom” constitutes defamation.

“No reasonable person would believe that Devin Nunes’ cow actually has a Twitter account, or that the hyperbole, satire and cow-related jokes it posts are serious facts,” reads the filing in Virginia’s Henrico County Circuit Court, according to a Bee story by Hannah Wiley and Kate Irby. “It is self-evident that cows are domesticated livestock animals and do not have the intelligence, language, or opposable digits needed to operate a Twitter account. Defendant ‘Devin Nunes’ Mom’ likewise posts satirical patronizing, nagging, mothering comments which ostensibly treat Mr. Nunes as a misbehaving child.”

The court brief went viral on social media, increasing public awareness of Nunes’ critics in a way that likely never would have happened without his frivolous lawsuit. It sparked a trend on Twitter, with people desperate for attention begging Nunes to sue them so they might benefit from free press.

“Hey, @DevinNunes, what do I have to say to get you to sue me too,” tweeted former Clinton White House Press Secretary Joe Lockhart. “You’re corrupt? You met with a bunch of corrupt Ukrainians. You still wet the bed?”

The social media backlash mirrored Nunes’ experience earlier this year, when his decision to sue the Twitter cow increased the parody account’s reach exponentially. “Devin Nunes’ Cow” had 1,000 followers on the social media site before Nunes filed his lawsuit. It now has over 667,000 followers.

Nunes’ lawsuits likely don’t stand a chance in court. Parodying elected officials like Nunes is protected by the First Amendment, and satire as an art form has a long history dating back to ancient times.

But Nunes’ lawsuits are no laughing matter because he’s not just suing fake cows. He filed – and later dropped – a lawsuit against a Dinuba peach farmer for calling him a “fake farmer.”

His lawsuit strategy has also targeted the press. Nunes is suing Esquire Magazine and McClatchy, the parent company of The Fresno Bee, for simply reporting on him truthfully and accurately. He sued Esquire for reporting that Nunes’ family moved its farm to Iowa years ago. He sued The Fresno Bee for accurately reporting that he owned a stake in Alpha Omega winery in a story headlined “A yacht, cocaine, prostitutes: Winery partly owned by Nunes sued after fundraiser event.”

Given the frivolous nature of Nunes’ lawsuits, one can easily draw the conclusion that he’s trying to chill free speech by miring his critics in expensive legal proceedings. If that’s the idea, it’s not working. Twitter accounts continue to mock him and the press continues to report on his increasingly grim situation.

Last week, Nunes threatened to sue CNN and the Daily Beast for reporting that “A lawyer for an indicted associate of Rudy Giuliani told CNN that his client is willing to tell Congress about meetings the top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee had in Vienna last year with a former Ukrainian prosecutor to discuss digging up dirt on Joe Biden.”

Lev Parnas, a Ukraine-born man arrested while trying to leave the United States in October, said through a lawyer that he is willing to implicate Nunes, who was in Europe during the period in question.

“House travel records show Nunes traveled to Europe from Nov. 30 to Dec. 3. Three congressional aides who have worked for Nunes have matching travel receipts for the same dates, House records show,” according to a story by The Bee’s Andrew Sheeler. “The trip cost $63,525.”

Now, Nunes faces calls for an ethics investigation.

“If he was on a political errand for the president that was using taxpayer funds inappropriately then he should be investigated by the Ethics Committee and should be forced to repay the Treasury the money that was spent for a political activity,” said Rep. Jackie Speier, D-San Mateo, who serves on the House Intelligence Committee with Nunes.

Given the seriousness of these matters, perhaps it’s time for Nunes to abandon his frivolous lawsuit hobby and direct his lawyers’ attention elsewhere.

And some folks showed up at the courthouse in Virginia to voice their displeasure:

Today's PSA

Rocky Mountain Mike and the Mitt Romney Outrage System

This Just In

The Onion's reporting on Marianne Moonglow:

SACRAMENTO, CA—After reviewing responses to her post, Democratic presidential candidate Marianne Williamson deleted a tweet Wednesday that suggested people use their minds to turn Hurricane Dorian away from land, and later told reporters the nation was not yet ready to harness such awesome powers. 

“I wholeheartedly apologize for implying that untrained minds should use mental energy blasts to deter any object, hurricane or otherwise,” said the self-help guru, noting that she had miscalculated the willingness and ability of average citizens to access the part of their brain that allows for weather manipulation, levitation of objects, and telekinesis. “If used with malicious intent, this type of power could, for example, cause the Earth’s rotation to reverse, taking us back in time and potentially ripping apart the space-time continuum. All life on the planet could be wiped out if someone tried to harness a psionic beam while holding a crystal. It is now clear to me that Americans will not be prepared to assume such responsibility for quite some time, perhaps not until my second term.” 

Sources confirmed Williamson’s tweet was replaced by an ad for her latest seminar, “Your Mind, the Weather, and You,” and an offer to use the code “LOVE” at checkout for a discounted ticket price of $199.

Overheard:

Williamson is being forced out of the Democratic primary because liberals are saying mean things about her - which means we're gonna lose the Space Alien Vote. 

Way to go, stoopid libtards.
BTW, be sure to watch for Ms Williamson's next book - anticipated to be a mega-blockbuster - "How To Kick The Self-Help Habit". Pre-order now for only $69.99 at WaldenBooks.

Because God's A Capitalist

Deven Green - Mrs Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian

Living In The Age Of Poe

Poe's Law: 

Without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers for a sincere expression of the parodied views.

Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker: (from way back in Dec 2016)

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Capping an extraordinary year for the former television host, the Kremlin has named Donald J. Trump its Employee of the Month for December.

“No one has worked more tirelessly for the glory of the Fatherland than Donald Trump,” the Russian President Vladimir Putin said in an official statement. “He has set a high bar for all Kremlin employees, and for that, we salute him.”

To mark the honor, Trump’s name will be added to a plaque that hangs in the hallway outside the Kremlin’s H.R. office.

According to Kremlin sources, Trump faced tough competition in the Employee of the Month voting, besting both Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and ExxonMobil’s C.E.O., Rex Tillerson.

Speaking to reporters at his Mar-a-Lago estate, in Florida, Trump called the award “a tremendous honor, just tremendous.”

“Obama was President for eight years and he didn’t win this a single month,” he said. “Loser.”

Today's Betty

Mrs Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian

This is Deven Green. You may recognize her voice next time you get an automated phone answering menu.

A Little Help

Part of our continuing efforts to be of help to voters who're busy living their lives and find it difficult to keep up with all the information they need to know about the various candidates.

Today, we present a Pronunciation Guide:

Kamala = comma′-luh

Beto = beh′-toe

Sherrod = shair′-uhd

Buttigieg = boot′-uh-judge

Trump = crim-i-nal

You're welcome.

hat tip = TrumpForPrison.org

Another Throw Back

From a coupla years ago, Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian

Throw Back

Trump Train

Today's Silly Thing

The Science Post (science, health, satire):

“We regret to announce that all 50 states are now reporting several cases of DKD” said CDC epidemiologist Mark Webber. “DKD is characterized as expressing or believing that one has vast and expert knowledge in a subject which they actually do not. It most often presents in the fields of medicine and science.”

There is currently no known cure for DKD, but scientists are hopeful with more education and isolation, it can be contained.

“We haven’t seen this level of DKD since Jenny McCarthy started spreading her vaccine causes autism bullshit” said Webber. “I fear the DKD level will continue to rise as more and more people with DKD have access to the internet, as well as there being several celebrities with the disease.”

Other headlines from The Science Post:

NSA confirms everything is a conspiracy, conspiracy theorists not convinced

Breaking: Anti-vaccers are actually paid Pharma Shills

On Balance

Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Hinting darkly that "there's something going on," Donald J. Trump complained on Friday that he has been treated "very unfairly" by the people who wrote the United States Constitution.

"If the Constitution prevented me from doing one or two things, I'd chalk that up to bad luck," he said. "But when literally everything I want to do is magically a violation of the Constitution, that's very unfair and bad treatment."

Lashing out at the document's authors, Trump said that "America is a great country, but we have maybe the worst constitution writers in the world."

"Russia has much better constitution writers than we do," he said. "I talked to Putin, and he said their constitution never gives him problems."

"The situation is very unfair!" he added.

In an ominous warning, Trump said that, as of Friday, he was putting the writers of the U.S. Constitution "on notice."

"I don't have their names yet, but that's something I'm looking into," he said. "These jokers are not going to get away with this."

Sounds Like The Real Thing

Brent Terhune - because satire can wear a red hat.

Today's PSA

A few tips on what you'll need to know about joining our little club here in USAmerica Inc.

Fresh Onion

Don't panic - it's The Onion:

Khashoggi Assassin Hopes Bonus Check From Saudi Crown Prince Clears Before Execution

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Expressing concerns about losing out on hard-earned blood money, a member of the Khashoggi assassination squad admitted Friday that he hoped his bonus check from the Saudi Crown Prince cleared before his execution. “They said they would do direct deposit, so everything should be good by Monday,” said Maher Mutreb, adding that the Saudi Crown Prince had always made timely payments on past invoices for silencing dissidents. “Plus, I’m pretty sure there aren’t any national holidays coming up that would affect bank hours. I get that I’ll never get the chance to spend it, but that murder and the subsequent cover-up were a lot of work. I already asked that they make it out to my wife, who they’ll probably kill as well, but if they don’t it would be pretty nice if she got what I promised her.” At press time, one of Mutreb’s work friends cashed the check after murdering his entire family.

Tony Atamanuik

Justice is not dead - it's on life support - but it ain't dead. 

Yet.

In the meantime, we can dream about a world that didn't hand $400 Million to a guy who could fuck up a middle school car wash.

A PSA

How To Prevent Rape

1. Don’t put drugs in a woman’s drink

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone

3. If you pull over because a woman’s car has broken down, always remember not to rape her

4. If a woman steps into an elevator with you, don’t rape her

5. Should you encounter a woman who’s asleep or otherwise unconscious, the safest thing to do is not rape her

6. Don’t break into a woman’s house, and don’t pounce on a woman in the parking garage, so as not to rape her

7. Remember, some women go alone to the laundry room or storage lockers - avoid raping them at all times

8. Use the Buddy System - sometimes, a friend is all you need to help you not rape

9. Be honest with her - state your intentions so a woman doesn’t get the mistaken idea that you’re not going to rape her

10. Always carry a Rape Whistle. If you’re about to commit rape, blow the whistle until someone comes and stomps your punk ass into a greasy spot on the pavement

Thank you for your time and attention. We hope you find this helpful as you navigate the tricky world of interpersonal dealings at a human level.

The Management

Space Force Theme

Songify - Schmoyoho

hat tip = Bob Cesca Podcast 08-09-18

Tech Update

People "in the professions" - ie: Lawyers, Doctors etc - are often notoriously Ludite-ish.

It's good to see a guy like Michael Cohen keeping up with some of these fast-moving developments.

hat tip = Bob Cesca's podcast

It's A Simple Question

"What the actual fuck is wrong with these people?"

WaPo:

A Georgia state representative, Republican Jason Spencer, became the latest political victim of Sacha Baron Cohen’s series “Who Is America?” on Sunday night in an episode featuring Spencer screaming obscenities, taking pictures up a Muslim actor’s robe while pretending to be a “Chinese tourist,” and exposing his bare buttocks in an attempt to “intimidate” a terrorist. “If you want to win, you show some skin,” Cohen told him.

Spencer also appeared to pretend to cut off a fake terrorist’s genitals while using the n-word and other profanities.

He told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that he was led to believe the video would be used as an “educational aid to train elected officials who may be targeted by terrorists.”

Instead, it was used to provoke widespread ridicule — the New York Times asked, ‘Who Is Jason Spencer, the Unfortunate Star of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Latest Show?’ — and prompted the Republican speaker of the Georgia House to call for his resignation.